#i’m not engaging w this bc it’s so fucking stupid but oh my god i want payday to come faster i need to pay them back so they leave me ALONE

[hearts1ckness]

genuinely appalled at the audacity of my ex to text me about MY finances. like the fallout of this breakup is a joke atp

[chryzure-archive]

ChrysiArchie rant you say…? 👀👀

YES, OKAY, SO.. this is a little bit of world-building / just general storyline stuff i’ve added, and i’m putting them in random bullet points, so if they don’t make sense… alas <//3 but i’ve been thinking abt them sooo hard even though i haven’t even gotten to archie in my reread yet (i think i’ll die when i see him again, fr!!!), SO:

on selene, it’s… semi-normal for you to take on a consort in a marriage. it happens a lot if it’s an arranged marriage (as is chrysi’s with her fiancé, who i have been thinking will be elias bloom for extra fury and helplessness :)), so in an attempt to find any hope in her future, chrysi chooses jacks to become her legal consort. obvi he jumps on this chance bc it’s THE only way for him to be with her, but okay. we move.

vaguely related to that… chrysi was technically “arranged” to marry azure waaaaay back before she’d even been shipped off to the pole. she was the executioner and he was some noble (forgive me, my world-building hasn’t gotten this far ;;; i was thinking w chryzure soulmate brain instead of writer-brain

anywayyy, azure dies :) and UGHHH, ophelia learns allll about chrysi and her tragic past through the engagement ring set azure gave chrysi :((( she didn’t mean to read the past in the objects, but she touched it and chrysi’s grief was so overwhelming that it dragged her into reliving chrysi’s pain over losing azure… and later going deeper into the rings’ memories to see how much azure truly loved chrysi. it kills me inside. it shocks ophelia, since chrysi seemed to give her heart so wholly to archie. lots of things going on there.

that follows up w a scene between chrysi and ophelia, where chrysi talks abt soulmates… and bc in the mirror visitor series, the population doesn’t believe in god anymore (…. except the god they talk of isn’t even god, it’s a woman named eulalia gonde, and her name has been mispronounced and warped into “god”. sorry, that’s a major spoiler, but we move, okay), chrysi goes on to say, “i don’t know if i believe in a god like the ancients did, but i do believe there was some higher divinity that made azure for me and i for him. everything about our love was ordained. i could believe in a god with him at my side.” SOBBING. IMAGINE BEING ARCHIE WALKING IN ON THAT AND FINDING OUT THAT CHRYSI HAD A WHOLE ENTIRE SOULMATE BEFORE SHE DEDICATED HERSELF TO ARCHIE AFTER AZURE’S DEATH. I’M GOING TO SCREAM AND CRY AND THROW UP.

also, vaguely related to that: on selene, i’ve decided that even though religion has moved away from the concept of a “god”, they do still have saints that they worship (esp since they’re such a dreamlike people, it makes sense to me??? but also i wanted jacks to still swear by using the saints’ names hehe)—and that chrysi, as the current executioner, has gained such a foothold in politics (on accident), that she’s on her way to becoming a saint. even jacks, when she takes him on as a consort (after she left archie and archie… kinda left her too, unintentionally), will whisper that she’s his saint alone and he doesn’t want to share her. also he calls her “saint chryseis” bc. i want to have some chrysijacks crumbs in this universe, okay.

since selene is highly inspired by venice as well, i figured the combination of the arts and religion being so deeply ingrained in the arts leads to a reasonable assumption that selene would still be more religious than the rest of the arks. …. yeah :)

….anyway, unrelated, archie shows up during chrysi’s engagement party. we’ve been over this. he doesn’t realize it’s chrysi’s engagement party at first though???? and when he sees chrysi walk up to elias bloom + he sees that she’s taken off all of her rings so elias bloom can put his singular stupid fucking trophy ring on chrysi’s finger, archie feels such a sense of horror that he doesn’t know how to explain.. then he realizes, oh, he loved how much chrysi was independent, even though it frightened him a little bit, how little he understood her… :((

elias bloom is the one that dies unexpectedly :) on that same night where chrysi’s washing the blood off her hands and archie shows up mid-hand wash and chrysi’s terrified and confused by her spotty memory :) both archie and jacks are thrilled chrysi’s no longer engaged to that bastard, but it’s pretty obvious that this doesn’t look good for proving her innocence.

anyway, also jumping to another point: chrysi never let archie use his ability of transparency on her bc she was frightened that if he did, he would feel her pain and realize that she was sick and dying. she didn’t want him to grieve her while she was still alive. well, jokes on her, bc archie’s also dying, but you know. whatever.

that said… their happy ending is him using his powers to create their own little communion of souls (pretentious, but it is kinda a romantic concept. i hate him) and they’re finally no longer hiding any secrets from each other + now they trust each other… they make me want to gnaw on drywall.

[lavender-annd-lilac]

Bc I can’t get these imgs to stay in their proper place w/o all the formatting going to heck, these are the Roly Poly chairs I mention later on

No, he’s not.  Charles hops onto the counter behind you, and kicks at Jake’s arm

Lmao the kid probably like:

“Like just now, you were looking at something else.  Is it this house?

Me talking to my friend’s dogs that are just staring at the corner for no reason 😬

Sure, sure.  Bring up the fact that you have a beating heart.

LOOOOL 😭 I mean I feel like Jake wasn’t even trying to low key insult him, but Charles is so sensitive and irritable haha

Person: Omg there were two houses on my street that gave out FULL SIZE chocolate bars this year!!🎃

Charles: sure, bring up the fact that u can eat chocolate even tho u KNOW I am lactose intolerant 😒 u might as well eat them in front of me u monster 😤😤

“And,” his voice gets louder, and your body flinches at the volume change, “This house is creepy and…”

Dude could never handle being Joan of Arc. I feel like she isn’t appreciated enough for her multitasking of listening to her thoughts, god’s thoughts, and everyone else talking around her

Jake lifts his leg behind him, starting to swing it through Charles’ specter and the ghost rolls his eyes,

Charles when Jake tries to kick him: I can’t feel that you nitwit.

Also Charles: hops onto the counter behind you, and kicks at Jake’s arm

(Or wait, can Charles physically interact w/ Jake even if he’s not possessing him?)

“Should have guessed.  Girls are ladies, and they don’t like showing themselves off.  It’s okay, dad, you can always try again for a boy.”

Omg this doctor is Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 rock

“Just make her what she wants, and put a strawberry on the side.  Don’t make her more miserable.”

If this was top chef he would get points for including an edible garnish 👨‍🍳

He mixes the syrup in the milk,

Lol pushover. Charles didn’t even have to get all Gordon Ramsay on his ass to get him to follow instructions haha 😂

“You’re too sweet.  It’s disgusting.

Just like that strawberry milk tbh.

 “You, you came into me.”

“Please, don’t say it like that.”

These 2 need a sitcom tho for real

“Oh god, let’s act so righteous,” Charles rolls his eyes,

I mean he’s got a bit of a point lol. Wasn’t Jake the one who was like ok let’s do an experiment where u possess me and then we all go outside to the car and have sex!!!

Miss Rosewyn Penelope

Not me reading “Rosewyn” and “Rosewell” and still being like, yeah, that’s a hella rad name 👽

“She’s gonna have fun when it comes time to spell her name,”

Really?? Wait is it pronounced:

ROWS-WIN? (lol “rows” being my phonetic spelling of “rose”😹)

ROZ-UH-WIN? (Rhymes with Roselyn)

ROWS-EWAN? (Ewan like the Star Wars actor)

RO-SAY-WIN? (So rose is like rosé?)

Well it’s not Shioban or Saoirse at least 😅

“Jake, I love you, but that’s stupid.  Charles is dead.  He died young, and ghosts aren’t real,”

Lol if ghosts aren’t real does it matter what age he died at tho 🤔

“He was murdered.”

“Jake, stop.”

“We saw it in the library.  He was murdered.  He died shortly after that portrait.  Why couldn’t he be real?”

Ok wow this is literally like the exact convo I have with my family when I forget I’m not supposed to talk about true crime irl

“Why…why would you think that?”

Hahah my parents would be like, “do not engage. I repeat, DO NOT ENGAGE. ⚠️You are encouraging them! Just sit there and drink your artificial corn syrup beverage and do not continue the conversation!!”

your ass in the air, and face on the bed, and your body was moving

I feel like I’ve heard this lyric in at least like 3 different rap songs

You could feel his thrusts.  And…I saw it, too,

Jake:

“He fucked you, too?” You start laughing, because what else were you supposed to do? This was beyond insane.

🤔 maybe I’m I just too far into the deep end of paranormal stuff, but like, I feel there are lot of things that are more insane than ghosts being real

Arkansas and Kansas being pronounced differently

Voluntary manslaughter has a max sentence of 15 years, while a successful murder for hire is automatically life in prison or the death penalty (for the person that paid for the hit, not the hitman) in the US

There are 4 grams of sugar in a single tablespoon of ketchup (a regular size Mars Bar has 20 grams of sugar)

The fact that the whole ENRON fiasco was a real thing and not a satire written by an extremely cynical economist

Kinder surprise eggs being banned in the States

Scientology

“No.  He didn’t fuck me.  I felt him come into me,”

Charles in the background like: “I told u not to say it like that 😤😤😤” lol

“No, like, he went into my body

Charles: that’s not any better 😩

 That’s why I didn’t like him.  It was too personal with that picture there.  It’s like he was watching our every move.

Also Jake: describes how he watched reader get railed by Charles even tho he knew he shouldn’t have 😂😂😂

“Become friends with a sex crazed ghost?”

Bold of u to assume they would become friends tbh. I mean, dude got murdered for a reason. (Lol jk, not victim blaming him or implying that he got murdered bc he was a mean person with no friends 😟)

in my dreams he was saying something about…ew, no.   Ghosts can’t have babies.

Again, soooo many more “ew” things out there than ghost babies. In fact, I would say that ghosts and their spawn aren’t ew at all bc to me, “ew” is this visceral, physical revulsion. I’m not going to “ew” at something like that. And also, something can be “scary” without being “ew”

Scary (if u are a wimp 🙄 lol jk) but NOT ew:

Ghosts

Animated skeletons with completely dry bones (we’re talking zero moisture, cracker dry, not a breeding ground for bacteria dry)

Astral projections

NOT scary but ew:

Paper/coin currency that has been in circulation for over 20 years

Raw sewage

Pineapple on pizza

Scary AND ew:

Spiders

Animated skeletons that recently stepped out of the human meat part

Zombies

Neither scary NOR ew:

Fresh towels

Lysol

Hit 1960’s song “Monster Mash”

So unless you plan on pretending this ghost Charles is a figment of your imagination, or you're going to find his bones to burn or call the Winchesters, I don’t want to hear another word about this.”

This is UNFAIR. She gets to pretend the Winchesters are real but he can’t believe in ghosts???

Charles stands off the bed, and starts to head back to his chair.  His home.  Where he felt the most comfortable.

Man, this is depressing af 😓 Isn’t it just like some rickety wooden chair? Like, if this was one of those $8k Restoration Hardware cloud sofas, or even one of those whimsical, minimalist Roly Poly chairs, I might understand.

I’ll never be like you, stopping in the doorway, he turns and stares at Jake who gives him a sinister grin.  I’m learning, too.  You won’t hurt my family.  You better change your attitude.  

Alexa, play

(Look at these lyrics and tell me this wouldn’t be the perfect outro music if this was a TV episode)

Also, now that reader is already pregnant, why doesn’t Charles decide to make himself visible to her? Or is it because he wants to secure a male heir first or some shit like that 🙄

Misguided Ghosts, Part 6

Summary:  Jakey is the sweetest

Pairings:  Jake Jensen X Reader, Jake Jensen X Charles Blackwood

Rating:  mature

Warnings:  language, implied sex, implied non con/dub con, implied ghost sex, mentions of voyeurism, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:  2.2K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Keep reading

[tanoraqui]

tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

:)

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

[ushiwakaout]

Valentine’s Day with the Haikyuu Boys

Various x Female Reader || Different Lover Tropes (sfw)

Iwaizumi Hajime (Friends to Lover Trope)

Y’all have been friends for as long as him and oikawa have been friends- but just a little more distant

You’re the person he goes to when he has girl problems or problems in general

So when he isn’t feeling particularly well about himself he goes to you.

He lays his head on your chest, your shoulder, your lap (usually 99% always your plush thighs)

He makes you play with his hair and his hands when he’s feeling sad because you care for him like no one else has (well, his mother but you know what I mean.)

But tell me why y’all haven’t dated. No one fucking knows. Not even oikawa.

So a few days before V-day you ask Iwa if he was a valentines and he says No and questions why you asked him.

You tell him not to worry and plan out everything

HE’S SO SO EMBARRASSED WHEN YOU BRING HIM A SINGLE WHITE ROSE A HOMEMADE CHOCOLATES

He’s like? “W-why? Why’d you do that?”

and you obviously have the tsundure qualities he has so your like “B-because i like you stupid!!! Now are you taking the damn gift or not? I know Oikawa would-”

He’s like- NO NO. Stop right there. “Give me that! SHITYKAWA WOULDNT APPRECIATE THIS THE WAY I WOULD!” Iwa is barking at this point

You: “FINE! THEN! TAKE IT- NOT LIKE I CARE!”

whole school it just watching you guys romantically bark at eachother

Iwa: “FINE! THIS MEANS WE’RE DATING, RIGHT?”

You: “YES.”

Iwa: “GOOD.”

You: “GREAT.”

it’s so awkward the whole day. like grossly awkward. but the tension dies down when you sit next to him during lunch and slowly caress the back of his hand the way you did when you weren’t dating

he’s glad you opened up to him because it would have taken him much longer to admit that he liked you

Time Skip Iwaizum Hajime 

Buys you a bouquet of 23 white roses the day before valentine’s day to give you the twenty-fourth on valentine’s day. He does this every year now.

You guys invite friends over because as (almost) 30 years old you think it’s a little cheesy, Hajime acts like its Valentines Day every day. So when Matsukawa and Hanamaki come over, they get really drunk and they appreciate you guys for not being lovey dovey around them and they start sobbing and laughing bc they’re single.

This becomes a tradition but ofc, sometime iwa calls ahead of time to tell them not to come over for... certain reasons.

He’s probably the cheesiest man on earth because he does not romance well- neither do you but he tries his best.

Would probably ask you to marry him on valentines day if you hadn’t told him before hand “If you even think about proposing on valentines day- I will rip out your organs... Ugh- thats so cheesy, everyone gets engaged on valentines day... Do it like the morning after new years or sum...”

*iwa secretly putting a red velvet box back in his underwear drawer* 

*laughing nerveously* “Hahaha, right- fucking stupid...”

You look at him blankly “Don’t tell me you where about to propose?”

Iwa: “NO! NOT AT ALL.”

You: “What are you hiding in your underwear drawer then, Hajime?”

Iwa: “NOTHING WOMAN, STOP BEING NOSY.”

Osamu Miya (Platonic)

You look so pretty when you come into the gym and everyones like “looking good y/n.” and it’s normal bc your their manager- ofc they’d hype you up.

But the closer they get, they notice your crying.

Osamu isn’t in the gym, he’s getting water in the back and he sees that Aran is holding you in his arms and he just knows something is wrong and everyone is trying to hold him back because he knowns exactly what happened. He’s calling Atsumu over and he’s ready.

Everyone is chasing them down and Osamu already has his guy pinned to the floor (lets just say he has baseball practice)

You’re rushing to get Osamu off but get gets a few swings in before you completely pull him off.

Samu: “You’re too good for this Idiot anyway.” he looks at Kita, “I’m ditching practice and I’m taking her out, I’m not taking no as an answer.”

It was the first time anyone has stood up to Kita and he just nods.

Samu: “Let me wash up, alright? I’ll take you somewhere nice.”

He kisses your forehead and runs your thumb on your cheek, “Stop crying, makes you look ugly.”

As much you wanted to frown, you bursted out a laugh before shoving him away, “Not as ugly as Atsumu.”

Time Skip Osamu Miya (Boss/Employee Trope)

Osamu calls you really early in the morning to ask you to work on valentines day. For some reason, he hates this day more than anything. He doesn’t like how girls (of all ages) bring him stuff and he ALWAYS has to reject them but now since your working you’re the the ones who kicks them out.

He loves watching you run them away with a sweet smile and when you turn around you have the most annoyed look on your face, it’s really cute.

Samu: “Thank you princess.”

You: “Yeah, shut up and get to cookin’ boss.”

He just smirks and tilts his little onigiri hat and starts on orders again

Once the shift is over and the restaurant is closed, cleaned and organized, you’re waiting for him at one of the tables you didn’t pick up yet and he brings you out a really cute meal.

You: “What’s this for?”

Samu: “A thank you, for- *clears throat* not leaving my side... and I-uh don’t want you to do so, any time soon.”

You’re looking at him blankly. He forgot how blunt he had to be with you.

Samu: “I- God, I’m trying to ask you to be my girlfriend.”

You: “OH! Oh my god.... Really? Are you sure?”

Samu: “Y/n, I- You’re lucky I love you....”

You: “L-Love me?”

He looks at you like a deer caught in the headlights... “Uh-I uh... crap- I didn’t mean-”

You: “Shut up and kiss you Idiot.”

Samu: “Okay- yeah good idea.”

Matsukawa Issei (Best Friends Older Sister || First Love Trope) @sloppykyuu

You’re only two years older than him but ever since he became friends with Hanamaki (around the age of 7) he came over once and you bumped into him and he blushed to the point he looked like a cherry tomato

Maki thought it was gross that he suddenly started liking his older step sister

You and Hanamaki get along really well now (You’re 18, making Maki and Matsun are 16), so whenever Matsukawa is around you jokingly called him “Nii-san.” When Hanamaki wasn’t there and he spit out his drink. 

You laughed so hard and just ruffled his hair a little and left him alone for the rest of the day

Ofc you teased him a lot but the second you turned 18, they cooled down a lot. 

So when he gives you a bouquet of Sakurasou (Primula Sieboldii, which signify desire and long lasting love. 

Matsukawa: “ Please accept the flowers- I know you’ve been keeping your distance because of your age and you don’t have to accept my feelings for you but please accept these flowers.”

The sweetest boy you’ll ever meet ngl, “Thank you Matsun...” you gave him a kiss on the cheek and ruffled his hair. “As me again when you’re older, yeah? I’ll always be willing to give you a chance.”

Timeskip Matsukawa Issei

When he turns 18, you weren’t single. He was so miserable watching you be happy but when you come home a little sad looking, Hanamaki and him are pretty confused when you tell them that YOU broke up with your boyfriend

Maki: “Everything was going alright with you guys- what happened?”

You: “I uh- I lost feelings... Nothing against him or anything, I just... just happen to like someone else now.”

You don’t look at Matsukawa so he’s like- ugh.... another guy? he’s heartbroken just a little.

3 years later when both of you got drunk when Maki was out for a valentines day date- Matsun was like, “Admit it already, you’ll never find a guy who dedicates to you the way I have.”

You’re a blushing mess since your drunk and you just pin him to the floor, a little teary eyed, “Maybe your right... Maybe I should give you your chance. You’re still so in love with me? After all this time?”

He brushes a strand of hair away from your face and smiles, “Of course I have... You I would have lasted being friends with Maki if it weren’t for you?”

Maki: “I HEARD THAT!”

Both of you laugh but you lay your body on him as he wrapped his arms around you, kissing your forehead as your step brother grimaced at the sight. “Took both of you long enough, disgusting...”

 Ushijima Wakatoshi (Reunion Romance Trope)

You’ve known Ushijima the longest out of everyone, even Tendo. And every year you ask him to be your valentines and he agrees bc your friends.

From the start it was always a friendly thing but at some point, your feelings for him changed during high school.

You don’t tell him, you never dared because you know his dedication towards volleyball would always go before his feelings.

One day you’re down the hall from his class and you notice that he’s talking to a girl- or more the girl is talking to him, so you hide in the corner. She was offering him a box of chocolates but he politely denies by saying “There’s only one girl who’s allowed to be my valentines, but please don’t take this personally, she mean’s everything to me.”

D-did you just here that right? Your leaning against the wall and sliding your back all the way to the floor, blushing like a mad woman.

So when Ushijima walks down the hall and sees a small figure to his side, he’s really worried as to why you are on the floor looking hot. “Y/n? Are you alright? Do you have a fever?” 

THIS MAN DOES NOT PUT HIS HAND ON YOUR FOREHEAD BUT HE PUTS HIS OWN AGAINST YOURS 

You’re trying so heard not to breathe onto his face but then he looks into your eyes when hes doing this and you shove his gift onto his chest. “PLEASE GET OUT OF MY FACE AND J-JUST TAKE THEM, IM FINE...” His warm fingers graze your for a second when he takes the chocolates and you just can’t do it anymore “I N-NEED TO GO NOW, BYE TOSHI- WAKATOSHI.”

Doesn’t question you, like ever.

During graduation you tell everyone that you are leaving over seas and Toshi honestly looks like a kicked puppy- his best friends, they’re all leaving. 

You’re crying into his arms when he’s dropping you off at the airport.

Timeskip Ushijima Wakatoshi

7 years. It’s been 7 years since wakatoshi has see your pretty face. 

You send a valentines post card and somehow it always gets there a day before, the day after or sometimes- even on valentines day.

You forced him to give you his address when he moves every time bc you send him a basket of goods. Usually a fruit arrangements bc you know he has a sweet tooth for fruits covered in chocolate- even tho he doesn’t really understand them

But this year nothing has arrived yet, until you text him to open the door since something was dropped off.

He’s a little confused as to why you noticed him but he opened the door, and there you where- standing right in front of him with luggage and his yearly valentines gift. 

“You’re looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost?”

He doesn’t say anything but pull you into a hug.

“...I missed you too big guy.”

After several, long virtual calls- he finally got to see you in person.

He pulls you back and looks a little upset.

You: “What? What’d I do?”

Toshi: “I might have sent flowers to your home.”

You low key wanna start crying, “What kind of flowers?”

WHYD YOU ASK THAT, HE LOOKS ALL FLUSTERED NOW, PLZ TELL HIM THAT YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW

Toshi: “Um.... anarrangementoftwentyfourwhiterosesbecauseiwantedtotellyouhowifeltbutididntknowhowtodoitanyotherwayandididntwanttodoitthroughacomputerscreen.”

You: “I hope you know, I understood every single word you just said.”

You give him a soft smile and lean down to pick something up that was covered by your bags. A bouquet of 24 white roses.

You: “I think... I feel the same way.”

He has never wanted to kiss someone so bad.

Toshi:“May I kiss you?”

You: “Do you really have to ask?”

Sakusa Kiyoomi  (Enemies To Lovers || Secret Admirer Trope)

You probably get 20 confessions on valentines day every year, every time it’s the same handwriting and sometimes it’s new.

But one day, a specific letter get’s into your desk instead of your locker, a black envelope with a white pearly wax stamp with silver lettering on the back “From your secret admirer :]”

The smiley face is a little distorted and you smile at it, but it turns into a scowl when Sakusa naps it from your fingertips. Luckily it was lunch and not may people where in this class. “Secret admirer? Who’d like your dumbass.”

You pull the note out of his hands and sit back down, “Maybe a bigger dumbass, now leave alone asshole.”

He rolls his eyes and sits on his desk, that just happens to be at your back left.

He noticed the smile you had on your lips when you sat back down and looked at the letter. He could tell that your mood had changed when you leaned back and read the letter with awe. He obviously couldn’t tell you in was him.

If he did, you’d probably think it was a joke. But it was nothing like that, he never meant to create an awful relationship between you to but he had made a nasty joke about you and you happen to overhear and have disliked him every since.

He’s kept the bully act ever since and now doesn’t know how to go back.

You looked giddy all day after reading the love letter he left for you, he didn’t know how to feel.

He never stopped sending the letters.

Around the third year, they began to stop and so did Sakusas bullying- but only because you didn’t have any classes together. So when one day you’re walking towards your locker, really late because you had to clean up the classroom. You see him slide a letter in your locker. 

You don’t confront him right then and there but you decide to let him walk a way just a little before you quickly get to your locker and open the letter.

You scan over the letter and you see that famous distorted smiley face and all the feelings they had written down. You where furious.

“Hey Sakusa!” You somehow where able to catch up to him and pushed his back as he walked away. “Is this funny to you?! Is messing with people’s feelings fucking funny to you?”

When he turned around he didn’t expect to see you crying, so he just stood like a deer caught in the headlights. 

“Answer me! Why’d you do this? Three years, three fucking years I thought this was someone who actually had feelings for me, someone I thought I could fall in love with myself but I guess this was just some joke right? Some prank? Who wrote these? You know what- It doesn’t even matter. Fuck you and your fucking letter.” You shoved the letter at his chest and push him in the process.

 He freezes a little but he’s running to catch up with you, “Y/n! Y/n stop walking away. L-Let me explain. Y/N!” He’s able to snatch your wrist and pull you towards him.

The tears are still running down your cheeks and his heart is shattering. “It wasn’t a joke. It- it was never a joke, never a dare. I promise, every word in those letters, are what I truly feel.”

You: “Bull- How do I even know that you wrote them in the first place, you can just be the messenger.”

Oomi: “If you put every letter together, it spells my name.”

You roll your eyes at him. 

Oomi: “Don’t believe me?

You: “Of course I don’t.”

“Fine, umm.....”

Both of you didn’t really notice how his hand was still wrapped around your wrist. “Every time I just happen to catch a glance at you when you aren’t looking, it seems like peace on earth... There is no other sight i’d rather see then to see you smile at me, at me only. I want you to look at me the way you look at them but I know in my heart that it will take years for you to look at me that way.”

You pull your wrist away from his hand and wipe your face clean from the tear that have dried down.

“The day you heard me make fun of you... I don’t have any excuses for it. I did it and I regret it and- and I’m so sorry.”

You shake your head and begin to laugh... “I don’t even want to believe you.”

“I know, I just please let me make it up to you.”

Timeskip Sakusa Kiyoomi

You: “Oomi, I thought you hated valentines day.”

Oomi: “I do, but you deserve flowers because I was an asshole for so long.”

You: “... that was like 8 years ago...”

Oomi “Your point?

He hands you over the flowers and gives you a soft kiss. “You deserve so much more, and every day I will give you more, understand?”

You begin to giggle mid kiss, “Yes sir.”

Oomi: “Do you still have those letters?”

You: “Of course, I read them every time your gone.”

A/N: THIS TOOK ALL DAY- I WORK TOMORROW BUT I MIGHT WRITE SOMETHING UP BC IVE BEEN OBSESSED W NANAMI LATELY 

[yievie]

whew! what’s up everyone! my name is crissy and yes, i am the clown who sent my account ask on anonymous last night. luv that for me! I GOT A COOL FAMILY ICON IM CRYING!!! now this is yi eun hye, better known as evelyn yi or evie, paging dr. sexy md don’t call her that though, she’ll kill you omg the second eldest princess of the four neglected korean princess sisters aka the mom friend sister or the buzzkill responsible sister. 

~`click anywhere here for a link to my app ~

under the cut i’m gonna throw some important personality and background stuff along with maybe? half-formed plot ideas? if not i’ll make a follow up post later, but pls like this plot if you wish to plot, i’ll try to come bother u. my ims are open hmu anytime (also bc im anxious af to b first message bc im BABY) and I ALSO have a discord located at quarantine queen#2918 where i’m usually v v v active. (lmk if u cant add me shoot me a message on here and ill fix it) ok imma shut up here is cranky daughter! ITS LONG SRRY

( pS: also if my blog is too hard to read just stick /mobile on the end of the url xx )

background 

the empress and emperor of korea had 5 kids, 4 daughters, 1 pampered son and evie was the second oldest daughter after dianna but like, she’s bossy and high strung and acts like the oldest anywayS so it doesn’t matter!

woo! however, korean tradition is rooted deeply in patriarchy and other backwards thinking,  >:(((( so evie’s parents basically pretended like their son was the only kid they had and sent evie and her 3 sisters off to swedish boarding school to ROT as they each turned 10 and forgot abt them while they groomed their son for the throne! thx mom n dad! luv u too! sdjlaksjd

during her time at boarding school evie was expected to not learn much of anything, not do anything spectacular, she wasn’t expected very good grades or to be smart or successful or anything bc that was Men’s Work and so evie did . . . THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

evie EXCELLED in school, straight a’s, top of her class, honors, ap valedictorian, which meant all nighters, nose bleeds at 2am from studying too hard, looking dead walking through the hallways, eating ramen 25/8, falling asleep w her face in her textbooks, getting bullied a lot for being a nerd and Not looking like her sisters and like...the creature from the black lagoon.

her parents, understandably, were not very happy with this but it wasn’t until she wanted to go to medical school that her parents were like FURIOUS. to them, women, esp the princesses, were only supposed to get married, have kids, THAT WAS IT. so evie wanting to be a doctor enraged them. STAY MAD!

they tried to have her engaged SO. MANY. TIMES. but she has a really repellent personality, she’s very kat stratford from 10 things i hate about you. and is rude and states her very liberal very socialist opinions often, dresses sloppy and hurts mens feelings a lot just for fun so they all went rUNNING from those match appointments! her parents literally are losing their minds they don’t know what to do w her theyre like god why did we give birth to the aNTICHRIST!?!?!?

not wanting anything to do with her parents, evie got into college and medical student on scholarship based on her own merit and skill. evie went to the seoul national university for 4 years then did a 2 year residency at the country’s top hospital, becoming one of the best on call heart surgeons there.

the korean media likes to clown on her A LOT! bc shes scary and angry and cares very little abt her appreance is A DOCTOR and not a princess really for the opposite reason they clown on dianna but evie does not really care she doesn’t care abt impressing people, just saving lives and proving people wrong. finger guns

but yes! thats what u missed on glee. evie was a heart surgeon in korea before being shipped off to thailand! shes v salty by the way ... even more than usual.

fun facts?

evie wears massive grandma glasses to see bc shes BLIND when shes in line with her sister people do not think she’s related and are like “OMG OMG THE PRINCESSES!!! BUY WHATEVER U WANT ON THE HOUSE I--oh? maam? uh? can we help u, ahjumma?” HELP

very dry, mean, will call you out on ur shit and hurt ur feelings probably. doesn’t really know how to Chill or have fun, stays out of drama and parties for the most part literally that old man that tells u to get off their lawn

LOVES HER SISTERS!!!! LOVES THEM!!! moms them and nags the FUCK out of them tho abt everything. wear a sweater its cold, drink water, dONT DO THAT GET DOWN FROM THERE, i told u to eat before u drank all that soju pabo!!!! skhaslkfh BUT SHE LOVES THEM VERY MUCH HER WOOOORLD the only people shes kind of nice to

as stated, has tried to been matched up before but has basically scared away all her matches by being A Lot and not polite or dainty and burping probably

her mom calls her all the time to talk abt how shes having a heart attack bc her second daughter is an unmarried, childless, spinster with a cat who is embarrassing her by being a doctor and being loud and obnoxious and outspoken against the royal heirarchy and right wing politics. evie just puts her on mute and lets her keeping yelling at no one for the next hour

loves beer, loves fried chicken, very unladylike, wears oversized sweaters and her hair messy and watches love island australia and the bachelor just to make fun of the people being in love and stupid i think secretly she kind of wants it but...thinks shes unlovable and will die before she says that shh

bisexual legend! cue mr and mrs yi screaming somewhere

not that it matters bc she cares little abt romance and sex and always put work and school before everything so everything touchy like that she either ends abruptly or stays the hell away from

never parties or goes out but when she does get really drunk gets very cute and touchy and happy there is one video on the internet of her like on a table ashdkh yikes 

is soft deep down just like *shrek voice* donkey, orges are like onions they have layers and u gotta get past a lot of them for her to get past her level 4 tragic backstory and into the soft, vulnerable part of her personality its nice i promise she is SQUISHY

weird plots???

best friend? im sure she has one somewhere. or friends at all? people who arent scared of her who shes nice to....mostly

enemies woo! hate her its very easy to hate her so do it

u want to do a daredevil thing like when matt shows up bleeding and dying or after a fight or something and she patches u up

just anyone need a doctor bc paging dr sexy md~

past loves? boyfriend? girlfriend? weird flings? weird tension unresolved stuff WOOO

ANYONE who broke her heart for the angst and drama

hit on her itll b funny

anyone who she was previously matched w who she scared off

someone shes currently trying to be matched or betrothed to GOOD LUCK

someone she has a crush on YIKES or vice versa

any of the college kids need a tutor? 

roommates? 

ANYTHING PLS HMU <333

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU ideas: Brothers in Arms AU

Also on AO3!

TL:DR: Inko and Mistuki are together but Mistuki is dating Masaru for appearances. Izuku and Katsuki are brothers. 

Mitsuki and Inko have been dating since high school and Masaru is their ace/aro beard

"hey antuie Inko? why do you and mum share a bedroom but not dad?" ",,,,, he snores"

Bakugo and Izuku slip up so much when they talk abt their moms

okay okay I’m all for quirk society being all open minded about same sex relationships but for the sake of this au pls consider them being taboo bc no strong quirks r being produced

so like brothers Izuku and Katsuki loving both their moms with all their hearts but not being able 2 tell anyone how amazing it is having two whole moms

they have 2 whole mums and like 1 whole dad

n they end up w 2 more dads cause their teachers are invested

sleepy Bakugo n Izuku trying to count their parents

1,,, 2,,, too many please brother

Bakugo, sleepily but angrily : "tOO ManY"

Masaru being Inko���s cousin or something and the reason katsu and Izu fall out is bc in kindergarten Izuku slipped up and an investigation was conducted so they had to engage, Mitsuki and Masaru

they never got as bad as canon though because I want dumb brothers doing dumbass shit

no nothing will ever be as bad as canon

even Horikoshi didn’t want it to go this far

correct the poor man

when Izu gets OFA he n Bakugo staying behind at school a lot, the parents are worried

it turns out they are doing as much dumb shit as they can

Izu doesn’t tell Bakugo about OFA literally just because Bakugo would be angry if he did

because it'd just be more proof Izu cant keep secrets and he can!! he’s just Very Excited all the time and wants to share

Izuku: gets OFA

Katsuki: "oh god we can never go home again u cant keep ur mouth shut"

Bakugo cheering when they get put in dorms

"the Dumb Bitch cant blab to anyone w/o the rat hearing! thank god!!"

Izuku, trying to hit Bakugo with his whole wardrobe "bitch! You! Told! Kiri! Within! 1! Month!"

Bakugo in tears, "iTS DIFFE R E N T "

Izuku:"nO TF IT AINT

Izuku, who still hasn’t told anyone: "Bitch"

Bakugo, who has told Kirishima about his 2 mothers: tearily "Bitch"

all of 1A: What The Fuck is Wrong with you two

aizawa asking about it, like a fair bit cause hearing "we cant tell them about our parents" whispered between children is Very Concerning

Izuku doesn’t like lying n he is crying which only concerning Aizawa more

"what’s wrong with ur parents?"

"hA HA Nothing our very hetero mother and Father are doing fantastic!!"

Bakugo is trying to drag Izuku out of the classroom while looking concerned and they are Confused

Aizawa, quietly to his husband later:

did they steal a child??? criminals??? abuse?? is Masaru abusive? does Masaru have 2 wives??????? are they abusing the children?????

Aizawa’s husband Mic, long sufferingly: they could just be lesbians Shouta

Aizawa:,,,,,, shit

Aizawa rly creepily coming up to the boys and going “your secret is safe with me”

they r stressed and afraid bc what the fuck is wrong with their homeroom teacher

Izuku n Bakugo: "god please what does he think is happening"

"I thought you were brothers?"

"ha,,??? yes???"

"then why does Bakugo have the quirk/looks of Mitsuki and Masaru and Izuku look like their "friend" Inko? a have a quirk that looks like none of theirs?????"

"Izuku a fucking abomination"

Bakugo n Izuku being lil shits to each other normally but something bad happens and they just kinda stick together like fucking glue

the league ends up kidnapping both of them cause Izuku was holding Bakugo’s hand

Shigiraki: ,,, damn it

Izuku, looking angrier than anyone has ever seen: you fucked up

Bakugo, grinning like a loon: bitch yes you did

pls instead of "don’t come" Bakugo is shrieking "I SWEAR COME FUCKING HOLD MY HAND IM TELLING MOMS ABT THAT TIME U SNUCK OUT TO WATCH AN MA15 ALL MIGHT DOCUSERIES"

they break out over n over again while AFO n Kurogiri keep bringing them back

Shigiraki: you could stop that you know??

Izuku who still has a lot of rage: you could?? god fucking die you know??

Bakugo n Izuku speaking in sign to each other, n someone being like "o sign! cool I can sign too!" n they just stop, n start speaking in nonsense sign bc they are so extra they made up their own sign when they were little

they would be the dumbass siblings who communicate in their own language to piss other people off

please consider someone asking

"your birthdays are like,,, 2 months apart how are you brothers?"

Izuku has a practised response of fake crying while Bakugo yells "he’s fucking adopted you jackass"

"god you’re so insensitive"

every time they have new classes they wait w unrestrained glee for when they get to do that

its best when a teacher asks

mic was the poor man

mIC BURSTING INTO THE TEACHERS LOUNGE S O B B I N G

"SHOUTA IM SO SORRY" "mic what did you do. mic. MIC"

"shOUTA INM SUCH AN INSENSITIVE JACKASS I CANT BELIEVE I SIAD THAT TO IZUKU"

Aizawa, the poor suffering man: :'oh god they got to u too"

Toshi just nods sadly "they got me the second day"

midnight getting war flashbacks

them refusing to tell the other teachers

Nezu does it just so they can pull the act bc he knows how much fun they have

they get a sub for one of their classes and Izuku is vibrating with glee

so they are both Midoriya’s  

just because someone saying the Midoriya doesn’t seem to suit their family as a name

n then, green sheep just wanders into class like "oh ok suits him I guess"

everyone’s just so used to calling them Midoriya and Baku everyone outside 1a and the teachers forgets they’re related

ok but consider Midori and Baku are actually their childhood nicknames for each other

n everyone just thinks he’s Katsuki Baku

"oh,, I thought your last name was baku?"

"1, why one earth would my brother call me by my last name. 2, why would we have different last names?? dumbass"

Kirishima asking Katsuki out like

"Baku, will you go out with me"

"wHIO TF IS BA K U"

Katsuki hiding in Izu's room after this

"he’s so fucking dumb??? I cant date him!! he’s too stupid!!!"

"he’s perfect for you then Kacchan"

Katsuki storming into Izu’s room at random times and like 80% of the time Shinsou is there. they aren’t talking or anything, but Shinsou is camped in front of Izu’s switch

Shinsou doesn’t even turn to look when the door flies open

"get out extra I need 2 talk to my brother"

"perish I’m fighting a boss"

Izu n Shinsou missing a villain attack cause they thought it was Katsuki

everyone evaced, panic looking for them

they go down to the kitchen for lunch, beat up the villain n make sandwiches

Izu giving snacks to the tied up villain

Shinsou has like 30 missed calls and he is Afraid

Izuku, cheerfully calling Bakugo "Shinsou and i made lunch!

Bakugo, about to cry "Izuku what the fuck"

s . a n d w i c h e s

Bakugo, sobbing: "Izuku u could’ve died"

Shinsou, in the distance "bold of you to assume either of us can die"

Shinsou is just the 1A cryptid

he basically only speaks to Izuku n Aizawa

Shinsou standing outside Sero's window, knocking: "w e e d"

Sero, crying : "w ,,, h o are yo u"

[01010010-posts]

— keep in touch.

requests: can i request something?? soooo, the bois have a s/o which really really craves lot of attention and cuddling but she can't speak up about it because she's shy and a tad insecure??? (totally not self-insert) you don't have to do it i'll be content either way if you post something different, i love your hc they're so heartwarming!!! love you, stay happy!!!!!

(will do the first one later) hello hello, reckless one was... succulent xD (gimme all dem ass, all dem booty) can i request some more? i saw you're not really sure about nsfw so maybe something mild? like very shameless s/o with sex jokes but not actual action, it could be a good thing to start, just a small suggestion :) and what about s/o who is uncomfortable with touching? bois want touch, s/o want touch but constantly thinks that they shouldn't and bois have to show it's okay (sorry it's 2 but I love you and am thirsty)

since i’m a fucking touchy-feely person this took longer than expected am sorry (no the truth is i really put my heart into RK900’s one bc i’m a bitch and y’all can’t stop me from loving him) is this what you wanted??  hope so!! also can someone please tell if there are some mistakes it’s 4 AM here i’m stupid.

Connor:

• a bit worried when you lean in and suddenly pull back • w-what was that • did u want a kiss? a hug?? some cuddles??? • did he do something wrong? • aaaaAAAAAAAAAA • he sees when you’re staring at him like that • but if you’re not comfortable telling him then…. • what should he do?? should he press you to talk? • he’s just happy with holding hands but • he knows humans want more than just holding hands • he starts to think that maybe the way he touches you is not what you expected • he’s still so-so about romantic human customs?? • maybe he doesn’t properly know how to kiss and you never told him bc you didn’t want to make things awkward between you two • he researches stupid wikihow articles about affection • but his stress level raises every time you avoid kissing him • and one day he kinda snaps and kisses you deeply • and then he gently asks you what’s wrong and maybe you don’t love him anymore? that’s also a possibility but he promises you that he won’t get mad or anything he just wants to know because seeing you like this make his thirium pump ache so much, it hurts. he wants to see you happy, with or without him • you’re there, blushing madly not only for the sudden kiss • but also because this whole time you were worrying about such a stupid thing and honestly?? you feel like shit now • i mean you better do bitch you made this pure boy cry • and you apologize, you tell him that no, of course you love him and him only it’s just…. very difficult for you sometimes to be comfortable with kissing and touching in general. you like his attentions, sure, you love them but let’s say you want a hug while he’s working on some files at home?? even though you know he wouldn’t tell you no or, at least, be rude about it, you’ll surely feel like a burden and you don’t want to feel that. and you don’t want to annoy him. • plus you’re shy!! • he makes the biggest sigh ever • and closes his eyes for a solid ten seconds, then opens them again and just smiles a smile so wide • he was so worried that you didn’t love him anymore?? • he simply tells you that if you want to touch him you can • however if you’re not sure you can ask!! he doesn’t mind you asking him • in fact he’s already picturing that he’ll like that • you asking for a hug or a kiss when he’s in the middle of something? absolutely adorable

RK900:

• very annoyed when you escape from his hugs • or when you avoid his loving gaze • do you think he’s not gonna notice? • he picks this stupid habit of tapping his fingers onto surfaces when you make him nervous • because that’s what you do, that’s right, you make his stress level so high • not that you particularly do something • quite the contrary in fact • why won’t you kiss him so often like you should? • he likes it if you do it often • he wants you to do it often • “you’re not performing normal human affectionate actions. why is that? should I be worried? based on my researches, at this point in a relationship an intimate routine should be well established by now. may I remind you that the act of ‘cuddling’ releases an amount of endorphins good enough to help most humans relax? for this reason may I suggest you to engage in sexual activities– ” • “what the fuck are you blabbering about” • “I was merely saying that it would be beneficial for both of us to pursue physical touch, if you would like to inquire why I can send to your e-mail some highly qualified medical links, they all point out that– ” • “I got that part. It’s– not true tho, that I’m not ‘performing affectionate actions’.” • you have the audacity to tell him this??? YOU HAVE BITCH?? • HE’S BEEN NERVOUS FOR WEEKS NOW AND YOU TELL THIS TO MY PRECIOUS ANGEL??? U DON’T DESERVE HIM • i swear to god he raises an eyebrow so high you think it’s gonna fucking reach his hairline • he licks his lips in disbelief and clicks his tongue • “we roughly kiss ten times a day, which is not an appropriate number considering that you also elude my attempts at giving you other forms of devotion. also, the fact that you’re being so evasive with the topic at hand implies an unnecessary shyness.” • by now you’re fucking red • and you feel so guilty you just want to sink into the couch and disappear • but he catches you before you can melt into the cushions • and he hugs you so tight • slowly hiding his face into your neck, softly inhaling your scent • “it’s okay to stay like this.” • and you return the hug and sigh • “I’m sorry. did I make you worry? I didn’t mean to…. it’s just that, you know, I want to touch you, I really do but– I’m shy. I’ve never felt this comfortable with anyone and I– I think I’m kinda scared to fuck things up, I guess?” • while you’re saying these things he’s already overheating bc are you serious? he didn’t thought you could be cuter than what you already are and yet you’re proving him wrong • if you could see his face? like the deep ocean • he has to raise a hand to cover his mouth bc his accumulated tension melted as soon as he touched you and these are the aftereffects • “there’s no chance for you to ‘mess things up’, like humans like to say, if you’re this cute. please do touch me more often.” • that’s it. • that’s all he has weakly managed to say • please don’t look at him or he’s going to cry • after something like one minute he takes a deep breath and kisses you • you’ve fucking broken him

RK800-60:

• it’s a little impossible for you not to be touched • i mean have you seen this little shit? • he wants he needs to touch you • all the time • like he won’t be able to function properly if you don’t give him at least two kisses every thirty minutes • in fact he doesn’t do shit at work • not that he’s going to willingly work if you’re there with him giving him kisses • he just doesn’t want to work at all okay • he just want to please you bc he cares about you not about his work • the laziest android ever assembled • i think he deviated just bc he was too lazy to work • so when sometimes you act kinda cold towards him his natural response is to be more and more affectionate • but when he notices that you’re being really elusive he gets really worried • he did something bad of this he’s sure • but what • he replays everyday in his head, searching for a clue • but he doesn’t find anything • which makes him more and more worried??? • ‘oh no [name] doesn’t love me anymore’ • his whole world comes crashing down • he get very depressed • why won’t you at least tell him?? • he figured it out already so please just release him from your grasp • but you start to notice too • how he’s not his usual self • how he doesn’t joke a lot • how he just mopes around • how he just doesn’t talk to you about his day • and you feel so bad • but you muster the courage to ask him what’s wrong • and he kinda goes silent • after a bit though he sighs and just shakes his head • “I know that you no longer love me, let’s just– just stop pretending.” • you feel so sick at the pit of your stomach, your heart shatters • “that’s not true– that’s not true at all! I love you so much, please believe me!” • “I said let’s stop pretending. you don’t have to lie to me [name]. I’m not a kid– heck I’m not even a human, what was I thinking when I tangled myself up in this mess.” • you start to sob, you cry endlessly • he’s so weak to your face full of tears • he can’t help himself and all of a sudden he’s hugging you like his life depends on it • “I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. please forget it. you’re not a mess, you’re beautiful and I love you so so so so so much.” he mutters into your ears “I don’t know what I was thinking oh gosh– I’m really sorry, please don’t cry. that’s the last thing I wanted please, shh, it’s all right. I’m a fool, you know that, I just– just–” he sighs “I just thought that you were a bit too cold and I mean, maybe I did something bad? tell me if I did. because I searched and searched but I didn’t find anything in my software that could pinpoint to that. so my most logical conclusion was– I’m such a stupid, am I not?” • “I’m the stupid!” • “no you’re not you’re–” • “I’m the stupid I tell you! I didn’t know how much I was hurting you I–” he’s caressing your back and you’re kinda choking on your hiccups “I thought that I was being too cuddly I– I thought I was annoying you and you were only complying.” • he takes a big breath as relief washes over him • “what– no! of course not! I love you and I love you when you ask for some cuddles and when we kiss before work and and and I just love you. every part of you. even if you asked me to hug you every minute every second I’d still love you. even if you were being really annoying and bratty.” • you’re both two fucking giant stupid just stop this shit and kiss you cowards

[lookwhatilost]

24

i. i must’ve passed out unintentionally at some point. im not happy abt it. I didn’t take my makeup off yet. my teeth aren’t brushed. I do this a lot and I worry abt how damaged they must be getting, jst bc I’m stupid and drink too much. I dnt think I drink that much, I mean maybe in general, but not last night. I had, what? the flights at area two, the spiked seltzer and Moscow mule at cityside, the two beers when I got back to the apartment—wait, no, that actually is kind of a lot. im not sure when I got so desensitized. I check the clock—2AM—so i actually haven’t been knocked out for as long as I thought. two hours, probably. it could be worse. the cat is still awake and still being credulous with me. he’s warming up to me again, but it’s a little disheartening to redo this dance with him each time I see him. remember me, dammit. i remember you. I dnt think I’m being entirely fair to him, though. he’s a cat. i can’t rly apply my human understanding of anything to his behavior. either way, he’s waiting outside the bathroom for me when I go in to attend to my teeth and makeup. he follows me. he falls asleep next to me. i feel a little bit validated. part of me thinks being the kind of person that animals like effortlessly is the mark of some inherent goodness, but I know it’s illogical and this took effort. i want to jst believe there’s goodness here, and in my absence of any real examples, I’ll assign depth to something like this. sometimes it’s all you can do.

ii. the sun doesn’t have any business being up at five-something, but it is, and I dnt think there are shades in this room. well, I’m not sure, maybe there are, but I didn’t have the foresight to look for them or close them. llewyn has moved, he’s in his actual bed now, but he seems to have taken notice of the fact that I’m awake. I try to rest my eyes a little bit. i know i won’t be able to sleep with the sun in my eyes, but it’s restful anyway. I have a long day ahead of me and i want to ease into the morning. i think i drifted back off but I can’t tell. llewyn has moved again. it seems like he wants to cuddle now. impeccable timing, as always. ive heard ian’s alarm go off a few times in the other room but they’ve still not come out of it. i have to leave soon. i wanna actually physically say goodbye but I’m worried they’re avoiding me. the last time we had a goodbye moment, i kissed them on the cheek and that probably made them rly uncomfortable. I’m not even sure why I did that. i think they’re the only person im comfortable showing any kind of affection towards but that doesn’t make that action any less weird. especially given... i dnt want to think abt that shit anymore, actually. i can’t without feeling ashamed and very, very stupid. it’s not like that anymore, but i wonder how much has to happen and how much time has to elapse for something like that to not actually matter anymore. i wonder if it ever won’t. it’s probably not personal. not everything that affects me is abt me, sheesh.

iii. the iced coffee at cumberland farms tastes the same as the iced coffee everywhere else, but i can’t get it here often, and it’s very inexpensive. it can’t help but occur to me that 24 ounces of coffee is 7 calories, and the calorie counts are printed on the packages of the food I got—250 for the sandwich, 150 for the hash browns. i marinade on the thought for a little bit before deciding what to do with it. I eat my food and drink the coffee and try not to remember. I do anyway. I’m trying to think of different numbers. this is a pretty substantial takeaway breakfast for $3 and change. better than what i probably could have got at mcdonalds. the sandwich is kind of soggy but it’s not bad. the hash browns are better.

iv. five hours in the car fly by my nose and im back home, kind of. i think I’m still trying to figure out what “home” means. this place is familiar. it’s where i live. my roommate’s dirty dishes from yesterday morning are still in the sink. mail that the cat knocked off the counter on my way out is still sitting on the floor. 24 hours have passed since I was last here, but it looks like nothing has been touched. I may as well have just stepped out for a cigarette.

v. very rarely does anything change in a days time, but when enough of them pass, everything is suddenly different. i slept on this couch more times than I could count before i was even on the lease, like I’d known I’d someday live here and wanted to warm myself up to it. and I’ve lived here for a while now, going on 8 months to be exact, but it simultaneously feels much longer than that, and as though it hasn’t actually been that long. a lot has happened in that time, but mainly to evan. ive witnessed many things that he’s done but have branched out very little myself. i transferred at my job abt a year ago but im still doing the same work I’ve been doing since i was 19. i still have the same friends but i see increasingly less of them. i get into the same car and travel the same roads that take me the same places. i still drink jst as much.

vi. my body has changed a lot, but the things I’ve always hated abt it are still there and the changes have jst given me more to resent. i look in the mirror when I get out of the shower and it’s all the same. the face with the perpetually stupid, bovine look plastered on it, the same masculine jaw, broad shoulders, breasts that are too far apart, more noticeably so since they’ve gotten smaller, the laparoscopy scar on my navel, the clusters of freckles that are jst pigmented enough to make my skin look blotchy, the perpetually inflamed hair follicles on my thighs, the knobby knees, always covered in bruises, the leg that’s slightly shorter than the other. the counter in the bathroom is high enough that I can’t see my labia but I know they’re there. I want to go a day without debating whether to cut them off with the sharpest knife I can find. it’s not today. the weight loss did little to make me feel better abt the way it all looks—the size of my jaw and shoulders is more apparent now that they are less hidden, my eyes bug out, it’s hard to contort so that my ribs aren’t visible somewhere, my hipbones poke through my clothing. I dnt think I’ve ever looked so bad in my life. Im going to cover up.

vii. I look at the date on my phone and saw that it was the 24th and for some reason identified that this was the last time I’d see that number on a calendar before I turned 24 myself. It doesn’t seem to make sense that I’m that old now. I know it’s not old, too, but it doesn’t seem like that should be me. I still think I behave like a child in a lot of respects, and the thought conjures a memory of my old therapist insulting me, saying that I had the mental tendencies of a child in grammar school. when she told me this initially, I replied to her sarcastically: “well, shit. maybe I should see a therapist abt that” and she told me not to come back to her practice. I cried on the way home despite how cognizant I was of the absurdity of the situation. “grammar school”—who even calls it that? it stuck with me nonetheless. it’s hard to have a therapist fire you, even with the knowledge that the therapist in question was not very good, without wondering if you’re a basket case, if help will always be lost on you.

viii. my job isn’t the worst but the labor feels pointless and it rly intensifies my feelings that I’m fighting never ending monotony to wring out very little in the way of satisfaction. i think you rly have to love this job to do it as a career, or maybe you need to have a specific personality type that makes it easier to engage w. im not very good at socializing and i think im getting too old to keep making excuses for myself abt that. meg and ash are always nagging me to sell more but i dnt feel comfortable enough to make small talk w these people, let alone sell them stuff. i feel like i sound so stupid when I speak aloud. i use a lot of fillers in my speech and it’s rly hard to talk abt hair without sounding like a bullshitter. something is very insincere abt the language that’s involved. i know i know what im talking abt but I dnt know how to sound like i know what I’m talking abt, and it’s hard bc the latter is a lot more important.

ix. I can’t tell if people sincerely aren’t making sense today or if im foggy bc i kept waking up and going back to sleep. this guy keeps saying that the last woman who cut his hair used a 5 on the sides and a 9 on the top but she cut it all w scissors. that definitely doesn’t make sense. i dnt think they even make a 9. why would she be using clipper settings to describe a scissor cut? the top here is at least 3 times as long as the sides and back are. im not going—oh my god, i can’t deal w kids who scream during their haircuts—insane, right? stuff like this makes me rly doubt myself, too, like there are bigger gaps in my knowledge than—wow he rly jst is not tiring himself out w this screaming, huh—i feel there are. what if this actually is a coherent way to describe a haircut? maybe he rly is jst stupid, but I also think that when you write people off as “stupid” all the time, it reflects—god, why is his baby sister screaming now too? nothing is even fucking happening to her—worse on you than it does on them. it’s always the biggest idiots who are so self-satisfied to think that. but im not self-satisfied at all, im very insecure and it’s constantly apparent, but everyone is insecure abt a lot, and that doesn’t doesn’t equal intelligence. I wish I had a sounding board. and i rly wish that kid in Niya’s chair would stop crying.

x. everyone in the salon today seems like they’re in a bit of a weird mood, it’s not jst me for once. the phone is annoying me a lot more than usual today. i feel like it’s ringing every 20 minutes. niya is always very avoidant when it comes to taking haircuts, but meg is lagging today which is unusual. it was busy, too, but i keep getting shafted where tips are concerned. most of my regulars who were due to come in around this time came earlier this week, and usually they’re the ones who tip me the best. the radio station that’s on is very weird too, distractingly so—it’s gone from bowie, to panic at the disco, to nirvana, the police, florence and the machine, neil young, lord huron, rhcp, crowded house. it’s not intolerable, but i can’t seem to follow any sort of genre or time period theme and im paying more attention to figuring this out than i am what im supposed to be doing. it’s that point in the night where people generally stop coming in and I know I haven’t made very much. I’ve counted... $24. weird. are they playing “brick”? that’s a throwback.

xi. i remember my ex being rly into mystics despite not understanding them very well. i forget what he was doing w my natal chart, but he told me once that 24 would be a rly significant year for me. i asked him why and he said that’s all he could figure, there was nothing in the way of further details that he provided. i know I said something back to him abt hoping that id be married by 24—so stupid. granted, i would have been 18 or so at the time and 24 seemed very distant at the time. but that was 6 years at the time, now it’s less than 3 weeks. ive changed a lot, mentally at least, but my circumstances haven’t rly. maybe on superficial levels. yeah, i support myself financially and i have a job in a field i could realistically work in for the rest of my life if I wanted to do that. but im still jst as unsure abt what I want and what’s going to happen to me. i feel like I’m more “sought after” in a few ways, but my phone is jst as dry as it’s always been. i was hoping the move would have been good for me but im very scared abt doing it alone. and i might still do it, i jst dnt know what the timeline is going to look like and there’s no promise of me turning over a new leaf for real and finding my inspiration jst bc my scenery has changed. every time ive moved when I was younger, it jst dug me deeper into loneliness. but i was a child and it wasn’t my choice. but there’s no way for me to rationalize asking my actual lived experiences. maybe that’s the big thing that’ll happen to me at 24? or maybe instead of getting married, I’ll break a marriage up. i know that’s not going to get that far, you know, w kenny. i probably shouldn’t joke abt it, though.

xii. it looks like Evan is home from friday’s already and i rly dnt want to be around him right now. im still feeling rly hurt abt him pulling the plug on the massachusetts move without making any effort at all to sort his finances out or secure some additional income that wasn’t the precarious extra dollars he’s been getting from porn. he keeps sinking all of his money into bar tabs and impulse purchases and takeaway food. and his cars. i wish he would jst be honest w himself abt the cars already. he needs to sell the honda and be done w it before he has to replace the engine and drop another two grand on repairs. i dnt know why he never listens to me. im rly growing to dislike him, but we’re in this together whether i like it or not, and im not going to lead him astray when his financial problems are dragging me down w him. i think i am going to be a hypocrite and go out alone tonight. kenny’s bar is doing that bottle opening thing tonight, right? but i dnt rly want to be around kenny right now. but he might not be there. but i also get a weird satisfaction from being around him I’ll bet it’s going to be a madhouse there, too, and i rly hate crowded bars. but it’s something to do. maybe i will get lucky and someone will talk to me and we’ll have a decent conversation and I’ll never see them again after. why is that my ideal?

xiii. god, running out the last hour on the clock is always hell. no one ever seems to come in, so it feels like a huge waste of time, but when people do come in, i get very irritated. so I’m not sure what i actually want from my time here. i think im jst too fixated on how being stuck here until close almost every night is hurting my ability to expand myself socially. but what would i even be doing if i wasn’t here? i think i would jst be finding a way to waste time. id be sinking hours into doing nothing like I do all the time. i have a lot of time on my hands, in the grand scheme of things. i have literally no idea where it all goes. i drink a lot of it away bc i am generally too uninspired to participate in my hobbies, and i think that feeds the darkness bc they make me very happy. at least w cooking, yknow, i have to eat. i have an organic need to engage w that one. all else has been falling through the cracks, though. i dnt think ive picked my bass up in 3 weeks.

xiv. Kenny’s bar looks like it’s absolutely mobbed and I’d be upset if I went all the way out there only for me not to be able to sit down anywhere. it looks like Evan went back out. that works. i have beer at home. I’d be smarter to save the money anyway. i want to support kenny and the rest of the guys, even though I dnt have a lot of nice things to say abt him. his brewery is cool. it’s cool to have something with so much potential come out of your home town, even if i dnt entirely identify w that place as being my home town. but it’s better than saying that im from alabama, even though i feel like my childhood is more tethered to mobile. i think people would make weird assumptions abt me if I said that. people are rly unfair to what the south is actually like. i dnt know. but their growth has been nice to watch. seeing something you’ve supported since the beginning grow to the degree it has makes you feel pride even if it has nothing to do with you personally. and ive had so many good moments there, w ian, w my family, in general. i met justin there and im happy abt that, even though i dnt know what’s going on w justin. i dnt think justin knows what’s going on w justin. 

xv. looking at my shelf of ian souvenirs is making me miss ian, even though we were jst together, even though we’re seeing one another again in 2 weeks. I wish I could engage w them in a more stable way. seeing them reminds me of being a teenager and breaking into the apartment i used to live in on governor’s island. and since the base went out of commission not long after we moved, i was the last person to live in that apartment. i went back into my first bedroom and the evidence that it used to belong to me was still apparent, but the floorboards had been warped and the wallpaper was very faded out. i felt weird being back, nostalgia and warmth pitted against the instinct that i wasn’t supposed to be there. i wasn’t supposed to see it—a rosy memory colliding w irrefutable proof of the passage of time. ive been very unfair to them, ian, in so many respects but it’s all very mixed and complicated. i look at this person, and i see so many years worth of history, but the familiar messy gold hair is framing a slightly different, slightly fuller face. they talk abt people i dnt know very well, stories set in a city ive spent very little time in. it’s disorienting. i feel like when im here alone, im always confronting their ghost, in places we used to go together, in things we used to talk abt doing but never did—a final hike on a trail that closed before we got the chance to go together, their name scratched in the wall of a dive bar, things they’d always point out on the side of the road, small pieces of their essence scattered across a place they are no longer a part of. i wonder what I did to deserve any preservation, too. i see this person who I truly am proud of, who i rly do think is going places, and that respect gets interpreted into feelings of inadequacy. that there’s no way someone like this can look at me and see anything other than an unstable failure. i dnt think any other person knows me more fully, for better or for worse. worse is dominant. i know it is. my intuition is always screaming at me that they hate me, that they left bc they wanted to get away from me. literally none of that makes sense. i know they dnt lie to spare my feelings, but i feel like they almost have to be. i wonder why i can’t trust that im cared for. i wonder why I can’t have an evaluation of another person that i dnt immediately relate back to myself.

xvi. it took two beers for me to realize that I haven’t eaten anything since i was in boston. i need to stop doing this shit, but im still getting my calories if im drinking them, right? i feel like it doesn’t make sense for recovery to be as difficult as it is, but my emotions have always interfered w my hunger cues, and my body is so accustomed to constantly being hungry that it’s not something i even notice that much anymore. I’ve been getting weird pins and needles feelings in what I’m assuming are my intestines as I’ve upped my intake and I’m afraid of them rupturing and me bleeding out internally when I’m home alone. such a pathetic way to die—having your own blood and bile and shit poison you. I doubt I’m on my deathbed, i think my system is jst on the slow path to returning to normal, but i wasn’t expecting physical symptoms aside from weight gain, which on its own, i could live w. my ednos was never as restrictive as it was until somewhat recently. my problem was generally concerned w binge eating and compensatory behavior, usually fasting or short periods of restriction or exercise. all punishment based. i can’t help but find it ridiculous that i ended up w an eating disorder despite never caring abt my weight. even when I was a high school freshman and overweight, i didn’t care. i think it’s because i dnt outwardly self harm anymore, and that self-destructive need has translated into other conduits. the scars this leaves are much more socially acceptable than what I was left w when I was younger and carved “dumb whore” into my thigh. i can’t believe i did something so stupid. im glad that finally isn’t visible anymore. i can’t believe that i’m almost 24 and still, to some extent, do shit like that.

xvii. i still have that vacation time that I took to look at apartments in massachusetts, and since that isn’t going to happen, i want to take a poorly planned solo vacation. i looked at places to stay in DC, in chicago, in nashville, but i left discouraged. nashville is too far, Chicago is too expensive, DC seems too dangerous. i think my perpetual anxiety prevents me from taking full advantage of my freedom. and I can be free. 24 hours ago, I was in Boston and I didn’t have to tell anyone I was doing that. I’ve navigated a strange place on my own. I lived to tell the tale, but I also wonder what the point is of stuff like this if I have no one to share it w. No one to reminisce w. it feels like a waste of money. almost nothing feels worth what I spend on it––time, money, calories, stop thinking abt calories.

xviii. i open another beer, basically on an empty stomach. i need to stop drinking like this, it’s not even negotiable anymore. i know this is a problem. i need to stop. i dnt know if I want to stop. i want to drown in bliss but I feel none. alcohol amplifies everything I feel, and when I’m feeling good, it’s generally very good, but when it’s bad, it gets very bad. i feel weird now so it’s amplifying the negatives. they do not need that. no, i dnt need that. i know this is an addiction. im scared, but not scared enough to do anything abt it.

xix. i still have Rebecca on social media despite everything. she’s moved, she’s no longer in my proximity, but i still have her on things even though I have no motivation to keep any sort of peace with her. I remember when things happened, when i was too drunk to stand up and she insisted on forcing herself on me anyway, after the fact she kept saying all this stuff to me abt how she wanted me to be her girlfriend and i jst sort of laid there and said nothing. i had nothing to say. i wasn’t processing what’s happened, i jst kept thinking “this is bad. that was bad” to myself. and then she never rly follows up, a small acknowledgment of culpability, maybe, but she’s moved in w some boyfriend now. it’s weird that people can do awful things to you and move on like nothing happened, and you have those moments stuck in your head, keeping you stunted, keeping you away from living uncorrupted, uninhibited, the way you should engage w it. i think of how demoralizing it is to have your perception shattered by a 30-something woman who still laughs at nyan cat shit. i think of how most discussions of sexual assault in the mainstream act as though only men are capable of it, as though it’s only ever happening in heterosexual contexts. i think of how everyone who bullied me in high school probably does not even remember it. i think it’s absurd to compare the two things but I dnt laugh.

xx. i want to talk to Justin but i have nothing to say. i dnt know what I should talk to him abt. i dnt know how you’re supposed to do this stuff. im comforted by the fact that, since he was w someone for 10 years, he’s rly out of the dating loop, and he have no idea what he’s doing either. but it’s a red flag, you know. I think we’re jst friendly. and I’m okay w that, I need friends. i want friends. i never see fati anymore these days. things w evan are polluted. ian is very far away. it occurred to me that i know very little abt him, aside from us getting along, but do we actually? how would I know? it’s not uncommon to have good conversations, for most people. but he knows more abt me than I do abt him. i dnt think i could name a single one of his interests if prompted. he probably couldn’t name one of mine that isn’t “drinking”. I’m not sure if I’m willfully ignorant of reality or if im jst assigning negativity to something without a lot of basis. i wonder why im incapable of living in the moment and not thinking too deeply abt what happens to me. i figured out what I’m doing w all the time on my hands.

xxi. everyone has been telling me lately that i should try to monetize my cooking and I dnt know if I believe them. i can’t imagine I’m as good at it as people say. i dnt trust it. im not even sure if it’s a passion, rly, i think my eating disorder has corrupted my relationship w food and i have to push harder to be interested in it normally, and this is how i cope. i might jst be on a kick. and if it actually is a passion, do i want to ruin it by making it into a living? i didn’t feel one way or the other abt hair when I went into it. it was a neutral activity. to grow to hate it is not a loss. i only care abt being good at it bc directly dealing w people makes my failures feel very personal when they happen. i know good food is something you can’t fake. i made ian spring rolls yesterday and they insisted I not watch them eat. i respected the request, but i needed to see the look on their face. I’m annoyed I didn’t. everything was eaten, I know they wouldn’t have done that if they hated them. but I only have my family to go off otherwise, and they would definitely lie to me. so i dnt know. i feel like support is untrustworthy. i know the people who won’t be honest w me, i dnt entirely trust praise from the people who I know who aren’t shy to say “it’s not my thing, I’m not crazy abt it”. i dnt know why i can’t accept that I’m good at anything.

xxii. there’s no reason for my scale to be out when i’m “trying” to “recover” but i will not put it away. i step on it anyway, and it looks like i’m 103lbs, fully clothed, stomach full of beer. i know it’s bad, but i get a weird amount of gratification from seeing it. it’s very hard to maintain a weight that low, so it feels like an accomplishment, even though it isn’t one. it’s been months since i had a period, and that adds to the sense of satisfaction. but it’s not good. obviously. it’s really getting in the way of me wanting to work out and actually improve my body. i’m fatigued. i’m foggy. i know the fact that i’m depriving myself is partially responsible for my terrible mood. i know i already had a heart problem, why on earth would i make that worse for myself? i’ve been having a few normal eating days, so i still won’t admit to myself that i’ve relapsed. i had a lava cake 5 days ago! there’s a quarter stick of butter in that! and an ounce of chocolate! i didn’t care, so obviously i’m doing something right. i know i’m not, entirely, but i’m staying positive. either that, or i’m extremely in denial. there’s still chocolate in the cabinet. no, of course i am not going to eat it.

xxiii. meg scheduled 6 people on tomorrow, so it looks like i’m not going to make any goddamn money again. my aunt is coming in, so i’ll get a little more from her, but the cash i take home there is so very inconsistent. i feel like the more money i save, the more i worry abt it, like i should have more by now. like i’m going to struggle forever. the stuff i’m buying now won’t matter in a few days, but that anxiety is always going to be over my head. i need a career change. i know that. i keep forgetting that pete gave me money for college, so my “i dnt want to be in debt” excuse is a lie. i keep telling people i’m considering going to college again but i know i never will bc i haven’t actually gotten any better at managing my time and being disciplined. i think i’m better at pretending i am, but i’m not. even if i seriously wanted to, i wouldn’t be motivated enough to actually take the steps required to re-enroll. it’s all too overwhelming. i feel like that feeling alone is a sign i’d fail.

xxiv. I’ve been saying this thing to myself a lot lately to self-soothe: “god’s in his heaven” and i dnt rly know what I mean by that. i dnt know if i believe in stuff like that, I dnt have any reason to believe that there’s any kind of order or force that presides over anything. is that what I’m talking abt? we’re all preoccupied w our own things, attending to our own futures, making our own peace to the best of our abilities? maybe? am i saying that we’ve all been abandoned, ignored? then why do I find it comforting? i dnt think my inner monologue makes a lot of sense, but i only ever talk to myself these days. maybe I’m talking abt myself in an idealized way, but I look back on the past 24 hours and see my good mood i woke up w descend, the 900 calories I’ve consumed today, the $24 I’ve made, the singular text thread I have w ian, the nothing I’ve done in the handful of hours I’ve been home, the three empty beer cans. i know i’m constantly in my own head, constantly picking myself apart, picking everything else apart. it accomplishes nothing. it’s useless self-flagellation. i’m constantly raking myself over the coals for shit that doesn’t matter, constantly agonizing over situations that aren’t actually that deep. i think that’s a way in which i lie to myself. i spend all day beating myself up over the inconsequential while never giving due attention to my actual flaws. even if i was, saying that i’m useless and stupid all the time still does nothing. it’s abt meaningful action, and i’m so bad at that, and i’m doing this exact thing again. i think i do it so i have something to point to, to say “i’m working on myself” when i’m jst being mean and self-righteous abt it. where has it gotten me? what do i want from it? do i think i can bully myself into change? do i rly think it will make me do anything other than resign to complacency? 24 hours, and a lot has happened, but i’ve still gotten nothing done. another will pass, and nothing will change. then enough days will pass, and i’ll notice everything is different, and i’ll still feel jst as stuck. i will be meaner to myself abt it. and that’s what i’ll do. over and over, until the end of time. Evan jst got home. he said something abt how sad i looked. he asked me what was wrong. i wish i had the guts to say any of it to anyone’s face, let alone his. it’s fine, it’s fine, i tell him, God’s in his heaven. whatever it is i actually mean by that.

[starkissr]

idk why

ppl want to be fake friends like i’d rather have real friends or no friends but i don’t get why ??? ppl rly wanna try n be my fake friend like no listen i’m sorry but i can’t be ur friend on the day u feel lonely n a stranger when ur thriving and omg!!!! this one rly just told me my expectations are too high bc get this! i asked her to consider me like o ok lol so you’re rly telling me in ur twisted idea of a friend I’m not allowed to expect u to care abt me like isn’t that only the literal definition of a friend my mistake??? bc i totally get having no expectations of ppl and all that but at the end of the day when ur then best friend decides to ignore ur existence then come back into ur life whenever they feel like it? like my problem isn’t that ur trying to come back into my life i’m open to whatever ok but when u can’t have consistent intentions to be a good friend u auto = fake aka nobody ???? i GET that ppl mess up obv i’m not perfect either but it’s just admitting that and actually understanding where u went wrong n at least making an honest effort of not doing it again that is SO CRUCIAL

wow wow wojeofiae and like it’s just soooo funny when ur pride is the fucking reason we’re not friends??? like if ur ego is what’s holding u back i rly don’t need someone so easily swayed by that bs in my life? so no i’m not gonna try or give a fuck abt u if ur idea of a friend is not aligned w mine like and if it isn’t that’s fine we don’t have to be friends uk but like idk it sucks tbh bc i’ve been sooo transparent abt how ur lack of words/actions hurt me so bad so u literally know but don’t do anything w this knowledge??? n still wanna try and talk to me like we’re friends after?? fuck no

it’s sad that 2 of my absolute best friends did this to me in diff ways but like this is the underlying pattern n it just hurts so bad when the person ur the closest to in the world and has learned the most abt u and has been thru sooo many ups and downs just one day decides that ur not important to them anymore uk??? like and when they come back later bc of c that’s what they always fucking do! they expect it to be like the old days and make u feel like ur fucking crazy for being hurt when they literally just left u in the dark. it was so painful to grieve thru that period without u bc i had to feel what it was like when u turned ur back on me and yes it was v fucking cold bc when i was ur friend it was all sunny days n that was a stark contrast but 

also these past few days rly just make me wanna ask u why tf are u so fucking bipolar and a passive aggressive cunt to me one second and talking to me in ur bubbly tone like im ur friend legitimately 2 seconds later bc oh u just remembered u can use me for this thing or that??? i’ve literally never met an angrier or immature person? like ok obv i’m just off one on this rant so i’m gonna explain just how this girl tried me today! so she’s my roommate n keep in mind like i have told her explicitly my problem w her is that she hurt me when she didn’t communicate w me n went mia like i said this multiple times so no guess work needed n anyway today i was playing music in our room and guess what this girl does!!! puts her music on louder than mine! at first i was like?????????????? literally what? LIKE DID U RLY!!!!!!!!! JUST DO THAT LOL it was rly too much for u to tell me u wanted to play ur music???? i was honestly amazed and was like ok like obv this just sounds like shit at this pt n tbh all i wanted to do was just ask u why u felt that u didn’t want to tell me u wanted to play ur music? but then i checked myself and remembered ur words that i am expecting too much of u when i ask why u don’t care to communicate certain things so i guess it’s too much to ask u this too so like what now? n i just turned my music off after this internal resolution that u literally told me i can’t expect anything from u aka i can’t ever expect u to show up for me so like who is someone to u that is there one day and not the next?? like a relationship needs a degree of stable commitment and if i can never count on u why would i want to waste my time waiting on u to fuck up / my breath for calling u my friend? 

the ppl i’m lucky enough to call my friends are ppl that i’m inspired by and i’m not saying ur an ugly person like obv u have parts of u that are so beautiful and that’s who i saw in u before but like if u keep showing me how ugly u can be don’t blame me if u singlehandedly broke my trust in u ??? AND ANYWAY LOL if ur reading this still the CHERRY on top of it all and what actually got me fucking mad is this !!!! girl!!!! asked me for a bandaid a breath after i turned my music off. like. o. ... .m. . . m. g. i just honestly couldn’t believe it n w her cheery ass tone like this is what i’m talking abt how u only matter to them when they need u!!! i was debating asking her abt the music thing now that she decided i was worth speaking to but literally it just wasn’t worth it to hear another one of ur excuses??? i would’ve loved to see what u would’ve twisted out of that situation tbh but i was also like ok like i don’t wanna help u bc ur a cunt but then i was like uk what! she wins if i’m a bitter person bc of her by telling her no so i let her have my stupid bandaid but talk to me like we’re friends one more time and i swear to fucking god !!!!! i won’t be so silent 

n my friends are like r u gonna be friends w her after n i’m like ? what friend treats a friend like this ????????? like real q? this is not a friend. why would i say yeah i’ll be friends w her just to make her happy? no bitch my one requirement to be my friend is to act like a fucking friend and if u tell me that’s expecting too much of u like ok but u have to understand! this is my definition of a friend i can’t be ur friend then ! stop half ass trying!!!!!! either leave me tf alone or the moment u choose to decide (and actually act like) u wanna be real to me is when i consider u my friend again uk!! i’m not gonna hold ur shit over ur head but idk i feel like it’s bc they think that i will that they don’t try or honestly i don’t know their reason why but all i do know is there’s a blatant discrepancy between their words and their actions. for both of them but like the one who did this to me first even apologized to me and like i honestly rly appreciated that like it was only! a year and a half late lol but still i was happy but then they went ahead and did them and i haven’t heard of them since! like ok COOL so u just wanted to say we’re friends then go away again like that’s what i’m saying i don’t get it why do ppl want to be fake friends? what’s the pt????????? wow ok these are just the questions that i’m asking myself rn it like tears me apart that the ppl who know me best can’t bother to act like my friend when they wanna still have the perks of calling me a friend ! literally if any of them were to hit me up and put an attempt that lasts o idk beyond a single day to be my friend then i’m down i’m there but don’t fucking tell me i have high expectations for thinking ur my friend yeah obv i’m rly frustrated at everyone for complicating everything like clearly i care so much abt these ppl and that’s why i’m hell bent on trying to make myself feel ok for not taking them back bc as much as i love them i have self respect and literally it would just become an emotionally abusive relationship if i try to engage in a friendship where the friend would just let me down every day like i already have my own shit i’m dealing w why tf would i want to put myself thru unnecessary pain?

like everyone knows when ur being genuine or not. the recent one gave me a fake apology and it was so clear it was fake and last night she even admitted that it was n that she doesn’t think she needs to apologize and like i’m just like ......... so let’s just say i forgot that u can’t stick to ur word ok.... did u rly just have to remind me again?! this is what i’m talking abt it’s just painful and i can’t be ur friend if u can’t be real w me ok that’s all if anyone wants to be a human w me say hi like i rly don’t think anyone reads this so i was gonna delete my tumblr so long ago bc like whats the pt if no one sees u but then i realized how fucking cool that is and how liberating it is to just like put ur thoughts out into the interweb like journal writing is cool n all but on the off chance someone other than me does happen to see this then hi ur only looking at my deepest thoughts so i might as well know who u r lol but like if not (prob) then that’s ok i’ll just lol at myself when i reread this later! as stressful as this is like omg i’m graduating next week and i won’t have these kinda petty problems anymore and like that’s cool when that happens but idk i’m just not ready to grad f m u so ik as like annoying as this is and as stressed as i am abt my classes and assignments and finals and the future i’m eternally grateful for my education n like that’s why i don’t wanna leave! it’s the little things like tn i was at a coffee shop studying w friends n in the car ride back me n one of them were talking abt that one cute barista like he doesn’t matter but having someone to just say whatever the fuck u want w n confide in! it’s these little pleasures that i just love so much!!! n like i didn’t even notice but my friend brought to my attn like how he was acting kinda dumbstruck when he was talking to us n i was like lol fuck ur right that’s fucking hilarious n i had a new thing to laugh abt that i wouldn’t have if i had experienced it alone uk! like talking is literally what allows a relationship to flourish so w these 2 ppl where they just don’t communicate w me like that sounds like such a small flaw but the reason why it’s such a problem is that it literally stunts the friendships growth! how can we connect and etc if u can’t share what’s rly going on w me??????? or like why do u feel u don’t need to talk abt the truth?????? but ya as i was saying lol it’s ok i’ll just have to grind until i can get into my next school (hopefully, someone take me pls lol sos) but ya idk i suffer a lot during school but tbh it’s my fav ever so i’m so sad i’m graduating!!!!!! but like the only thing that’s making it ok is bc all of us are saying the same thing and it’s comforting that even tho we all dk what the fuck is going on i’m not the only one 

so mostly sad bc i’m gonna miss my real friends here soooooooo much like w all my heart omg nothing will be the same again and i’m not ready! i’ll miss being seconds away and the fact that i can go over or call them like hoe get ready bc we’re going to the beach that’s down the street!!!! at my parents place the beach is half an hour away and i was in love but u had to drive like an extra 15-30 min to get to even nicer beaches n bruh let me tell u i rly did myself right by going to a school an actual 5 seconds away from the beach and granted besides us students it’s a rich white conservative person area but still it’s in a cute n clean area?? omg like this is just as good as it gets uk??? so ya blessed to be stressed 

!?!?@#

[yakumtsaki]

CHILLIN LIKE A VILLAIN. Pleased with yourself, are you, Becky with the good hair?

-Oh quite, though I’d be more pleased if my damn arm would unglitch.

HA looks like it got stuck while you were putting your filthy hands on Wyatt. God’s punishment is swift. Know what else is gonna be swift? YOUR DEATH. Get him, Waylon Fairchild Dementia Raven Way!

-Ugh, no way, I’m exhausted, everyone is in love with me and I just want to be with Draco, ok? Why couldn’t Satan make me less beautiful? IT’S A CURSE

Waylon sis truly don’t even talk to me about curses and Satan right now, this entire lot is cursed and crawling with evil spirits and beelzebubian energies. Ever since we moved here my life has never known peace. Next thing you know snakes are gonna start manifesting in this house physically.

Well looks like the snakes are already here. FRANCES WILL YOU FUCKING STOP ALREADY YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED JOYATT IS DEAD NOW CEASE AND DESIST

-No way bitch, time to suffer. Look at it and weep, look at it with your own two eyes!

First of all I’ve been weeping since yesterday so joke’s on you. Secondly I still can’t believe you did this to me after I generously gave you this whole debonair look YOU’RE THE WORST

-La la la can’t hear you over the sound of your plans crumbling all around me!!

I’m seriously gonna murder you a thousand times. Wyatt what about you, you dumbass bimbo? What do you have to say for yourself?

-Not beaucoup, I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, it makes absolument no sense! Huhu! 

I hate you both so fucking much I might actually vomit.

Ugh my poor Jojo </3 I’m so sorry that your love life has turned into a giant pile of crap.

-Please, who cares.. Definitely not me!

Yeah well that much is obvious! Are you sure you’re alright tho? Because you look, you know. worryingly expressionless and in denial.

-Oh no, I’m just focusing on my new proposal,“Project MKUltra: The Comeback”. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I have to deal with adulterous whores again!

Good, good, pour yourself into your art. Speaking of, maybe it’s also time to pour yourself a refreshing drink?

Attaboy, milk that cowplant, Jojo!

-Hmm this process feels oddly sexual..

Yea, I can tell by your massive erection, jesus, I mean even for you-

-Ew no what the hell? That’s just because Ti-Ning is dead!

Oh ok, that’s fine then!

-YES YEEEEES I FEEL THE POWER COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS

Hard to believe anything can course through your veins with all that ice in there but alright. Now we just have to wait..

..for the cowplant to get hungry again. I literally can’t with Daniel and Gunther constantly picking fights with Jojo’s former suitors, especially since Jojo doesn’t seem to give enough of a fuck to fight them himself. We are family, I got all my sisters with me!

Ugh I keep forgetting Daniel has 9 nice points, what a crybaby. How you gonna fight capitalism when you can’t even fight Wyatt?? MAN UP DAN

Nice, there we go! I’m truly living for Brit’s utter lack of interest in fights happening next to her. Her aspiration bar is about to hit the crapper bc I’m even worse at playing popularity sims than I am at getting couples not to whore around, so the time has come..

TO PARTY HARD, TOGA STYLE. I really threw this party thinking it would be a success and save Brit from aspiration failure, so obviously the time has come to acknowledge that I’m even stupider than Wyatt. Things get off to a good enough start with the profs tickling each other, which everyone knows is the mark of a wild college party!

Ti-Ning, gone but never forgotten.

-Hey Brit, want some Ti-Ning to wash down that pizza? 

-Please stop addressing me.

-That’s right, address moi instead! 

NO YOU DON’T WYATT. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE

..........................................................................all I can say is LMAO

Wyatt, sweetie, full offense, exactly how dumb are you?

-What? I wanna marry Jojό! <3

Ok. Do you have any recollection of breaking his “heart” 2 hours ago, setting him on the path of a complete nervous breakdown?

-Oh, that was just a bump on la route, don’t be so dramatique!

-Does it count as a win if the only thing you put in the hole.. are your tears?

.....god.

Meanwhile and to the surprise of no one, Gunther is being sexually harassed by a professor, namely Down-With-The-Kids-Pink-Beanie.

-Sooo Gunther, half-alien professor told me all about you, you little ginger minx.. What do you say you and I adjourn somewhere private and I see if the carpet matches the drapes..

-EW forget it, lady, you’re not even in the art department and I only have one rule: no whoring without extra scoring.

Um what about the rule of monogamous dating which you are currently doing with Mel?

-RIGHT that too!

Once again...god.

The one person having a great time at this party is Kevin Beare, who eats half a pizza by himself..

..and then moves on to chips. He legit came here for the free food and didn’t talk to anyone the entire time, which is what I do at every party except with drinks. Live your truth, Kev!

Look who’s back from class and still glitched lolol

-Can you please reset me already, I had to take an exam like this!!!

Pfff grades??? There are so many more important things in life, Fran. Live a little, join the celebration.. party like there’s no tomorrow. CAUSE THERE ISN’T

I’ve no idea what happened here but Tiffany is non-stop bullying this 2006-Oliver-Sykes haired professor. Judging from Pink Beanie and sims professors in general it’s safe to say he deserves it. GET HIM TIFF 

-Why doesn’t anyone want to fuck me, Frank? What am I doing wrong? Has Woody Allen been lying to us about hot young women being uncontrollably attracted to neurotic, misogynist, mediocre intellectuals over 60?

Oh great, I thought this party was gonna end as a dud but I see we’re going for full-on disaster.

-I’ve just about had enough of you and your passé casquette, communiste! 

-My casquette is not passé, it’s classic!

-LADY STOP TRYING TO GET UNDER MY TOGA

-Aw come on, please? For mommy?

-You should use that line on Jojo where it might actually work!

Enemies, these bitches my enemies, not on my level so they just pretend to be, yes, why do you envy me? Cause I am the MVP, these bitches my enemies ♪

-FOR THE GLORY OF THE USSR 

Yea, seems about right. Whatever though, cause after the party..

COMES THE CAKE.

Goodbye Francis, it’s been nice, hope you find your paradise!

-Oh please, SEE YOU IN HELL BITCH. WAIT FOR ME CAUSE I’M GONNA FIGHT YOU THERE TOO

It’s a beautiful morning and our llama friend is back to spread some school pride and presumably some bodily fluids. We almost went an entire day without seeing him but here he is again!  GET OUT OF MELODY’S SHOWER YOU FUCKING CREEP

-FINE. YOU’RE GONNA APPRECIATE ME WHEN I’M GONE

Yea don’t worry that day is permanently coming as soon as we milk Frances out of the cowplant. Honestly this fucking llama is the last straw, the time has come for me to take back control of this house..

..starting with getting sweet, dumb Wyatt back with Jojo! I really think the Frances thing was a fluke, I mean W wasn’t in a committed relationship with Jo, he didn’t initiate it and he rolled the want to get engaged to him for the second time after it. So the whole thing = Fran’s + ACR’s fault!!!1 Also and more importantly we have literally 0 other viable options and college is almost done so it’s time for Jojo to put Lemonade on repeat and get over it.

Let’s bring out the big guns!

-Mom! it’s so good to hear your insufferably domineering voice. Did you get my latest murder pics?

-Ha! Yes they are great, thank you mom. Soon I’ll add the french courtesan to my album. Now tell me, in as much detail as possible, how proud of me you are!

-I don’t know how Wyatt is doing, he’s the french courtesan, I’m going to kill him! Are you even listening to me?

-What do you mean it’s probably my fault? Can you divorce dad already, his influence on your brain has been catastrophic.

-Love is a battlefield? Mom seriously. Divorce. Now.

-Ugh yes, I could imprison him in a gigantic safe for a few days instead of killing him, but what on earth would that achieve?

-Well I don’t care about having a husband! Worst case scenario, I’ll just marry Max!

-Yes, Max does look like dad. Yes, he is as dumb as him. YES, MOM, I KNOW. HONESTLY YOU’RE ONE TO TALK 

-Well, I have to go now, but you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about. And by that I mean which care home to put you in cause you’ve obviously lost it. Goodbye, mother.

As soon as Jojo hangs up the phone Melody runs over to autonomously lecture him. Nice move, Mel, let’s peer pressure him till he caves!

-Jojo this is an intervention but please don’t mistake it as me actually caring about you. Your bullshit harem drama has taken over the entire greek house storyline and enough is enough, we demand equal airtime. Just forgive Wyatt already, he’s too hot for you and you were literally dating 2 other dudes at the same time and you also treated him like shit and you are the worst and Gunther is the best and he’s gonna beat you for heir. Melody out.

Yes, powerful stuff, thank you, Mel. Now Wyatt, let’s apologize!

-I’m so sorry I kissed Frances, Jojό, I don’t know what I was thinking </3

That’s a great start Wyatt, now let’s try it facing the right way!

-I’m so sorry I kissed Frances, Jojό, I don’t know what I was thinking </3 Also I’m totally planning our wedding in my head you right now.

Ok, smaller steps, let’s get him to not hate you first!

If there’s one thing I hate about ts2 it’s how ridiculously hard it is to be forgiven for cheating, shit is unreal. Wyatt has been apologizing for about 3 years now and Jojo is still furious jfc, it’s legit easier to get forgiven for cheating irl than it is in this game.

-For the thousandth time, I’m so so sorry Jojό, honestly in the dark of the nuit at first I thought Frances was you and then it was too late!

-Yes, it was also broad daylight.

-Well you know I have bad eyesight, mon cheri :(

Wyatt seriously, we’ve reached the point where you’re throwing junk out there, so let’s take a break.. 

..from this fucking house! It’s date time! Time for dinner and public woohoo in that vegan restaurant downtown, cause I’ve ignored Gunther so hard his aspiration is currently scarlet red. Mel is doing great though, like all knowledge sims in uni, she’s legit never not-platinum. The adorable couple make themselves right at home, by doing literally what they do at home 20h a day. NOT WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR GET UP

-Maybe if we act like children they’ll think we’re under 12 and we’ll get a discount!

-We’re so in sync, babe, I brought my monster trucks with me for this very eventuality!

-Here, let me blow you a kiss, babe. A prelude of tonight’s blowing. 

-Honestly, every time you talk, I just see the eggplant emoji <3

I didn’t vomit from Wyatt/Frances but this date might actually do the trick!

-Do you think the waiter is mad that we insisted on lobster in a vegan restaurant and he had to go fishing for it?

-Whatever, babe, we deserve it. 

-We really do. I ship us.

-I ship us too <3

Good because I don’t anymore.

Yaas, aspiration problems taken care of! Mel’s shy ass hilariously had a fear of having her photo taken, but public fornication she has no issue with.

-Having your photo taken is unnatural! I’m just using the photo booth as god intended. 

Ofc, on the 6th day, god created the photobooth for people to publicly fuck in.

-Wow Mel, my reflection in your sunglasses is so beautiful.

-So is mine in yours, babe.

-I almost wish we could look into each other’s eyes but then it’d ruin our whole look. You know what, screw it..

-..I was gonna wait till we graduated it and were more mature and crap like that, but whatever, babe, when it’s right, you know. Will you marry me, Melody Tinker, despite the certainty that one or more of our kids will get the Komei nose?

-Oh my god, Gunther! I literally thought you’d never ask, because, let’s be real, you’re a gigantic slut.

-These days are gone, babe, I’m a changed man!

-This ring has been in my family for half a generation, ever since my mom stole it from Florence Delarosa who was obviously never gonna need it.

-Oh it’s beautiful and the fact it’s stolen makes it even more precious!

It’s morphin time! Let’s pretend the red around Gunther’s memory signifies passion and not a crippling fear of commitment. Congrats you gross, crazy kids!

It’s also morphine time, cause damn are we broke as shit. In hindsight perhaps we shouldn’t have gotten the lobster.

We return home, where I’m trying to fulfill Jojo’s longstanding wish to see Ti-Ning’s ghost but apparently Ti-Ning is an even bigger asshole dead than he was alive. Bitch seems to be deliberately refusing to scare Jojo, I mean we’ve been standing around playing ghostbusters for like 4 hours now and it’s just not happening-

-but some scary shit IS happening inside. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS.

-What!? We’re just talking about our mutual interest in entertainment.

Brit seriously, don’t make me kill you cause I’ll do it, I’m kinda on a roll here and completely exhausted from this fuckery.

-Gawd, fine, I’m gonna go to sleep.

GO TO A DIFFERENT BED. I’ve noticed a sudden and disturbing reappearance of slutty wants in Gunther’s panel immediately after the engagement, which I’m guessing is some kind of regression back to his usual pattern, like he’s rolling wants to woohoo 10 sims and makeout with another 20 and idek. It’s extremely pissing me off and it’s also extremely not happening.

I JUST SAID IT’S NOT HAPPENING. FUCKING STOP IT.

-We’re just friends!!! Paranoid much?

CAN YOU BLAME ME 

Look here, THIS is the distance I wanna see between you two. It’s also NOT the distance I wanna see between Wyatt and Jojo, man this apology shit is taking fucking forever UGGGH

-Jojό, are you still mad at me?

-What do you think?

-No?

-Guess again.

-No?

-Ugh.

-Oh Jojό, I know you hate me but I’m gonna keep apologizing for the rest of ma vie, cause I really have nothing better to do. And also because je t’aime, Jojό.  Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold cœur?

YES. FUCKING FINALLY. I HEAR HEARTS I HEAR HEARTS!!!!!

THEY’RE JUST NOT COMING FROM THE LIVING ROOM!!!!!11

KILL ME. I WILL PAY SOMEONE TO KILL ME. DON’T TELL ME WHEN YOU’RE COMING JUST SHOW UP AND DO IT. TAKE MY CAT ON THE WAY OUT AND FIND HIM A GOOD HOME. I’M DONE.

[lastbuckshot]

oc list

so @underbree did a lot of asking abt my ocs so i’ve been typing up a (very small) synopsis of them for a few hrs (small bc there’re So Many)

if ur curious abt them or wanna know more abt a few pls feel free to ask me about them i love my kids

some notes:

fc = face claim

some fcs repeat bc I can’t leave well enough alone and some different looks from the same actor give off completely different vibes (I’m the guiltiest of this with cm punk lmao)

 sometimes my fandoms/obsessions and my fcs go hand in hand so when u see a bunch of actors from the same show that’s usually not a coincidence

speaking of fandoms, a lot of these ocs and fcs are years and years old (I’m talking like some of them are 6 years old) so a lot of them are gonna have fcs from ppl I used to fuck w/ heavy way back when but I don’t anymore, I just can’t bring myself to change the fc (like with all the cm punks)

you’d expect me to have a pj and a milo oc and I’d expect it too but I don’t, Freddie (@miloventisoylatte) has both and we collab like every day

all the assassins aren’t assassins for fun, and they’re not hitmen either; there’s an entire company/organization that they’re a part of, which doles out missions and payouts. they only really kill scummy people so think of it as a massive trained vigilante operative organization

The Oloros

 Zemorah (Zee; FC: Janelle Monae) – she’s probably my fave oc atm, I grouped her with her family but she’s also an assassin. she’s the seed that planted the whole family, bc she was a standalone oc first. she’s a bi girl, and she has a history of past relationship abuse, but she’s growing and recovering and actually engaged (to one of freddie’s ocs as a matter of fact; a big werewolf boi named Aaron who has Milo Ventimiglia as a FC)!!! she’s a bonefide flower girl sis loves flowers and gardening but she’s Not the one to play with. Very independent and self-sufficient bc she doesn’t see the point in having anyone take care of her when she can take care of herself and do it better. Prefers hand-to-hand combat to guns on missions. Frequently goes on missions with Liam (mentioned later), but is off from missions indefinitely because she’s with child (triplets!!!)

Halina (Hal; FC: Yetide Badaki) – the oldest of the oloro sisters (but not the oldest sibling). Tendaji’s twin sister. She’s reserved and on the quiet side compared to a lot of her family; she’s on almost the same plane as rashid. she can also be a workaholic, getting stuff done and making progress (on work or in life) is one of the most fulfilling things in the world for her

Malkia (Mal; FC: Danielle Brooks) – the youngest of the oloro sisters and she loves to give love. She has a big ol’ heart and a loud infectious laugh. If you wanna have a good time and feel good about yourself and come out feeling like a Rockstar you hang out with mal

Hodari (FC: Aldis Hodge) – one of the younger oloro brothers. he’s like, the class clown of the siblings. he’s always making fun of something or someone he’s goofy as hell

Rashid (FC: Mike Colter) – oldest child and oldest brother, probably the most stoic and “put together” sibling. married with kids and very, very, very protective of his family. a “you’d be better off fucking with him than fucking with his family” type

Kaivon (Kai; FC: Ricky Whittle) – second youngest brother, and adopted. bi, and a flirt (ofc he is). Someone you can ask to fuck you one time out of the gate and he’ll have no problem w/ doing it. He could talk a priest into becoming a satanist

Jamal (FC: Trevante Rhodes) – jamal is the youngest brother and youngest sibling and he’s such a sweet heart oh my god,,, he’s pan and he’s like a giant teddy bear he really just wants to make everyone he meets happy. truly a people pleaser and a “I’ll give someone in need the clothes off my back” type. Lover of cuddles

Tendaji (‘Daji; FC: Michael James Shaw) – Halina’s twin brother. ‘Daji is the sibling you get when you mix rashid’s protectiveness and hodari’s goofiness. He’ll make you laugh and loves to laugh but you Cannot cross him or his family he won’t let it happen

Shani (FC: Viola Davis) – the mom of this gaggle of kids. she’s a really sweet and loving mom and provider for her kids, so much so that she adopted one and pushed out 7

Andwele (FC: Lance Reddick) – dad of this gaggle of kids. Very stoic and gets a kick out of being overly stoic toward people he’s meeting for the first time and seeing how they react when rly deep down he loves a good time

  The Northcutts (Werecats)

 Alexander (Alex; CM Punk [this version]) – levi’s older brother. alex is a werecat, yes, as a northcutt, yes, but he’s also a demon (his dad was one). Ego the size of texas. Still exploring and discovering his sexuality, and isn’t completely comfortable with any labels, but he’s a lover of sex in general. So much so that he has 4 kids (he’s a single dad). there’s a good heart in there somewhere but he’s still a force of chaotic evil. Chaotic neutral on a good day. Chaotic good on a better one. But always chaotic

Levi (FC: Adam Levine) – alex’s younger brother. He’s the good brother. He’s not a demon, because he and alex have different dads. Lover of sushi (yes, because he’s a cat)

Grant (FC: Jake Gyllenhaal) – charlie’s older brother. He’s a really chilled out and laid back single dad of one, but his brother is a bad influence

Charles (Charlie; FC: Ryan Reynolds) – grant’s younger brother. Getting called Charles upsets him spiritually, please spare him the pain. One of the pettiest, dumbest, most extracurricular ocs. He’s an assassin and when jay (an oc I talk abt later) gets ready to give him his payouts (which can be huge lump sums of money, I’m telling you right now), he’ll tell jay he wants something stupid instead, like pocket lint or a finger nail clipping. Like, he doesn’t want any of the money, he’ll tell jay to donate it or give it to someone else or do whatever he wants with it, and just ask for a shoestring. It drives jay up the fucking wall

Jackson (Jax; FC: Chris Evans) – rebecca’s older brother. He’s in the same boat as alex with exploring his sexuality, figuring himself out. It’s summer, he’s got his hat on backwards, and he’s ready to fucking party. has dabbled in drugs and is a patron of the one night stand

Rebecca (FC: Megan Fox) – jax’s younger sister. bi. she used to be a party animal just like jax, until she had her first son. She’s cooled way down now, and she’s the mom everyone wants. She’s the mom that takes everyone to Disney and buys everyone souvenirs on a whim bc she just feels like it

Nadia (FC: Jessica Chastain) – tara’s older sister. mother of twins. Very loving, and the type of person you go to if you need life coaching.

Tara (FC: Amber Heard) – nadia’s younger sister. bi. she’s a mom with a very big, soft heart. Her instinct is to nurture everyone around her (not necessarily coach them like her sister does; just take care of them emotionally)

Anastasia (Annie; FC: Alicia Coppola) – alex’s and levi’s mom; bi, and the youngest sibling out of the matriarchs/patriarchs. Just like all the northcutt matriarchs and patriarchs, she’s a fun-loving parent. Teases her kids in as loving a way possible (like asking alex if he’s done slinging his junk around and impregnating the city)

Katrina (FC: Julianna Margulies) – charlie’s and grant’s mom; bi, and the oldest sibling out of the matriarchs/patriarchs. Very similar to annie, but her ambiance is different. If annie is a chill mom, katrina’s more of a cool mom.

Anthony (Ant; FC: Live Schreiber) – nadia’s and tara’s dad, and the second oldest of the matriarchs/patriarchs. Looks scary, but is actually only scary 49% of the time. Probably the most serious of the northcutt parents (which isn’t saying much, bc the whole family is doofy)

Logan (FC: Hugh Jackman) – jax’s and rebecca’s dad, and the second youngest of the matriarchs/patriarchs. Prankster and a jokester, and very close to annie

  The Assassins

 Aiden (FC: Richard Armitage) – eva’s fiancé and a lover of red wine. aiden was the start of a long line of assassins. He’s a father of one, with another on the way, with his fiancee. There’s some years old drama between him and ian, that ultimately ended in the death of his (aiden’s) daughter’s mother’s death, because of the assassination of the wrong person on ian’s part (it’s resulted in an inside joke about bad aim). He’s semi-retired now, in that he doesn’t go on missions himself much, but he still works with the company.

James (FC: Andrew Lincoln) – dani’s husband. aiden’s best friend. Father of two (one with dani, one from a previous marriage). Also semi-retired, in the same way as aiden. He’s got a big fucking mouth and almost everything he has is some type of joke or innuendo

Dominic (FC: Luke Evans) – jay’s older brother (half-brother, different dads). Pan. Loves to cook (entrees more than desserts), hopeless romantic, and a single father of one. Still takes assassin work often, usually sniping.

Ian (FC: Michael Fassbender) – mr. bad aim. Still carries a lot of guilt about what happened to aiden’s daughter’s mother (should he is up to viewer discretion), but he’s still very loving, and he’s been trying to make up for it for years (despite being told it’s a buried and forgiven issue). Doesn’t handle guns much on missions anymore; he’s more in charge of extraction now (whether that be via car, bus, motorcycle, heli, etc.)

Jacob (Jay; FC: Ian Bohen [usually this version]) – dominic’s younger brother (half-brother, different dads), and a father of two. Also loves to cook (desserts more than entrees), and used to work as an actual assassin, for a very short time, but stopped, because that part of the job wasn’t for him. Nowadays, he’s more like the accountant/money man in the company, giving everyone what they’re owed, determining how much, helping decide which jobs get what pay. The object of charlie’s endless torment

Liam (FC: Dan Stevens) – liam’s a werecat as well as an assassin, as WELL as a demon (on his mom’s side). he’s adopted (his adoptive parents and biological mom r mentioned later), which he found out relatively early in life, when his abilities started manifesting on accident. He was never mad about it, and didn’t take a particular interest in finding his real parents until recently (and luckily he’s found his mom; the deal with his dad hasn’t been completely settled yet). Sniper/generally most comfortable with guns as opposed to hand-to-hand. Zee’s frequent partner and mission husband (but not her real fiancé, even if they had a fling for a while). Gets clowned for eating baked beans for breakfast (especially by zee)

Danielle (Dani; FC: Danai Gurira) – james’s wife. A jack of all trades in the company, with her hand in accounting, assassinations, mission planning, and training. She thinks her husband is endearingly dumb (she doesn’t look down on him, she just knows he’s a dumbass), but she places a high value on how much he makes her laugh.

Evalyn (Eva; FC: Rutina Wesley) – aiden’s fiancée, and a doctor within the company. You could probably tell from her job she genuinely loves taking care of people, and enjoys the pressure. She can do surgeries and the like, but poison recognition and treatment (if possible) is her preferred practice.

  Werewolves

 Jonathan (Nate; CM Punk [this version]) – one of my first ocs, and honestly, a pure, good soul. He has a history of abuse (not from relationships like with zee; his abuse came from his father and his peers [I don’t mean school here, even though that’s true too]), and struggles a lot with depressive episodes, but he still has the biggest, warmest heart in the world. He knows forgiving isn’t for everyone, but it’s what makes him feel better, given some time and space. Christmas is his favorite holiday and he has a collection of santa hats that he makes his friends wear to get into the spirit. He’s still figuring out his own gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction, but he considers himself a bi ace often (he’s not sex repulsed and he’s had sex, but not often and it’s not important to him), and fluctuates between considering himself male and nonbinary (but he’s more comfortable with he/him pronouns in both cases)

David (FC: Ian Bohen [usually this version]) – cocky and full of himself and comes off as arrogant. He sort of is all of those things, sort of not. I’m just gonna say this honestly: thot. 5 kids, but all from the same mom. he’s not with her, not formally; they’re more like…….. kid partners? Mates? It’s a weird arrangement. But he a hoe

Ryan (FC: CM Punk [this version]) – one of nate’s past abusers. Repentant, very repentant, and nate’s forgiven him, but whether anyone else does (or should) is discretionary.

*Tom (FC: Tom Hiddleston) – (*name subject to change bc I don’t usually like fcs and ocs to have the same first name) the second of nate’s main abusers, alongside ryan. Has also repented and earned nate’s forgiveness, but again, whether anyone else can forgive him is discretionary.

  Demons and Fallen Angels

I’m gonna save some breath here: all the fallens are pansexual and panromantic, unless stated otherwise (god’s not included here)

 God (FC: Idris Elba) – okay, obviously god isn’t a fallen angel or a demon, but he’s still in this equation. Not much to say bc god is……… god.

Lucifer (Lucy; FC: Colin O’Donoghue) – yes, Thee lucifer, the fallen angel. Big ego, as you can imagine, and very, very bitter at god, not just for casting him out, but for keeping people he was close to before the fall from following him, including his girlfriend (and now wife) at the time, ariel. Extreme lover of red wine and makes his own in hell bc mortal wine isn’t strong enough or good enough for him. Father of twin daughters in the official sense, but has fathered literal devil spawns in the past So I Mean

Ariel (FC: Jennifer Morrison) – lucy’s wife and long time (millions/billions of years long) girlfriend. Did not follow lucifer in the fall, half because god convinced her not to, and half because she thought his betrayal of god was a betrayal of her, since it’d put their relationship at risk (whether she’s right or not is a matter of personal opinion). She’d visit lucy as an angel to talk to him, because she was upset that they were apart, but still missed him. Eventually, she made the decision to put her love for lucy over her angelhood and fell. She’s still an angel at heart, though.

Jonah (Ares; FC: Sean Maguire) – lucy’s best friend. Fell with him, and was his right hand man during the rebellion. He got his nickname from lucy, because he reminded him of the god of war. Despite lucy seeing them as equals (minus lucy being king, and ares not), ares has a tendency to refer to lucy as “my lord” and “king” (though he’s cut down recently). Honestly a workaholic, and loves being occupied (which in hell means a fair amount of soul torturing, but he also makes lucy’s wine)

Adam (FC: Josh Dallas) – another fallen angel. Didn’t fall with lucy, but fell well before ariel. If a frat boy were a fallen angel, they’d be adam.

Sabrina (FC: Rebecca Mader) – o shit bois, another fallen!!! Before lucy met/fell in love with ariel, sabrina was his main squeeze. she fell shortly after lucy and ares did, and she and lucy did some fooling around in the years before ariel fell. She and lucy are probably more alike than ariel and lucy as far as attitudes and mannerisms go (both of them are promiscuous [not a bad thing], sarcastic, and flirtatious), but doesn’t hold any (or much) ill will toward lucy or ariel.

Malachi (FC: Liam Garrigan) - yet another fallen!!! fell after lucifer, and stayed in hell, not causing trouble, for a little bit. then he started plotting to overthrow lucy, and eventually tried, by threatening to kill ariel if he didn’t give him the thrown. got punished with torture and stripped of the privileges being a fallen got him before. lucy’s pulled him out of punishment now tho. second chances and all that.

Paul (El Demonio, Victoria; CM Punk [this version]) – genderfluid/bigender (hence the two nicknames), and currently married to haedes with a daughter (biologically theirs) after some turbulent times of denial and teasing from both of them. Sarcastic and a little bit holier than thou (but so is haedes). Would lay down his life for any and all forms of red velvet.

Desmond (Haedes; Richard Armitage [mostly any version of RA with long(er) hair is Haedes]) – paul’s husband. A little arrogant, but not usually so much that you wanna punch him in the throat. Just about as arrogant as you’d expect a demon to be.

Joseph (Joe; FC: Joe Manganiello) – alex’s dad. Estranged from his son and alex’s mom both bc of the grimy shit he did. Not born a demon, and not possessed, but filled (literally, not figuratively) with demonic energy by a demon.

Athena (FC: Jill Wagner) – Liam’s biological mother (who he only met very recently; he does openly call her “mom”)

  Humans

 Violetta (Dee; FC: Ruth Negga) – calling her Violetta or Violet will probably get your shit pushed in so please leave her be. Bi. She has tulip o’hare’s accent (as opposed to ruth’s irish one), and part of a female biker “gang” (yes, she wears plenty of leather jackets). Loves teaching herself tinkering/handy type things, like taking apart and fixing computers, building computers, fixing cars, sewing, and fixing appliances. Really, she’ll pick up and learn just about anything if you give her the time.

Abaddon (Abby; FC: Jeffrey Dean Morgan) – no, not That Abaddon. Abby’s just a country boy with strong opinions on how peach cobbler should look, taste, and be served. Master griller. Father of two (co-custody).

Wade (FC: Wade Barrett/Stu Bennett) – my very first oc, so we’re talking like, 6 years. Which you think would mean I have a lot to say here, but I don’t!!!!!! his character’s been doing a lot of changing and evolving with my tastes and perceptions, with me trying to decide what’s too far and what’s not. and I might do an entire revamp. For now, I’ll leave it at: he has a really sketchy fucking past, but he’s doing better now.

Cassandra (Cassie; FC: Emma Thompson) – liam’s adoptive mother. A+ sense of humor. Jokes about liam and zee still being together.

Denton (FC: Hugh Laurie) – liam’s adoptive father. The more reserved between him and his wife, but he has an endearing dry/subtle humor that suits him.

Killian (FC: Matt Ryan [the welsh actor not the football player]) – I’d be lying if I said killian wasn’t very inspired by john Constantine lmao, bc he is. He is a demon hunter/exorcist/jack of all trades in the supernatural. He knows lucy, and lucy knows him, and there’s a petty war between them. Lucy isn’t killing him, killian isn’t actively trying to take down lucy, but they know each other exist, and killian brags to him about trapping and destroying all his demons.

[hankeliza]

Hate to be cliche, but here goes.

This decade has been some shit. 2010. Best year of my life. I’m 17, I have my soul mate and best friend every single day of my life. No bills and making way too much money. I got the love of my life, Rome. I am so cool in my mind and just life was fucking GREAT. I met corbin that year and I was legit in absolute bliss.

Feb 2012 my best friend moves to fl and that was so great but I am in absolute shambles. I am lost I am unhappy. This is where it all goes wrong and only now, 8 years later do I realize the codependency issues I had with jenna. I fucking loved that chick from the depths of my goddamn soul, we could speak and make decisions and plans with just locking eyes for a blink of a second. So bc I am sad, lost and unable to make sense of my selfish and immature feelings, I take it out on her and a whole slough of klonopin. Corbin and I are doing bad and this is when it should’ve ended.

April 2012 (hah time is funny af) I do some shady shit, but not to the magnitude it was portrayed. Life moves on and I get back with corbin. This is my new person to rely on. I need him bc he stuck thru it with me and gained my whole hearted trust that he loves me, even when ugly and I love him through all of his ugly. We are ugly and we are in love and nothing in the world matters to me anymore besides him.

Oct 2012 I finally am ready to move outta stc. But corbins with me. I beg and beg and beg to please go to Tampa but nah, we go to Miami. It’ll be easier, Adam will take us in. He still is this big mature, always with it guy, I don’t know him, that’s why. We get there, nothing much to even talk about. Great times but eh. Leavin it at that. Shit happens and we get out of dodge like some fuckin thief’s in the night. Drive two days to portland. I won’t get into all the beautiful shit I saw bc that’ll take too long but, here we are.

I live with a naked hippie that is actually psychotic and oh, later on turns out she’s making us pay for a house SHE IS SQUATTING IN. But anyway, things happened (again adam) and we move to the city city. Won’t even get in to the shit that transpired there, but now I’m moving back home.

Feb 2013 (wow really seeing some timelines matching up of my most unpleasant times of my life?!¿¡) so I’m back home. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat. I think I weighed 110 while standing 5’8. My dads on parole, only time I see sunlight is when he needs to meet with his PO. Nicole nurtures me and literally does everything in her power to make me be better, but I am not ready to feel happiness or bond with any other human. I am not ready to move on or up or out. I am stuck. Corbin moves home. Ahhh yes. My safety blanket is back and I can be happy again (hahahah)

So in the meantime while I was sad Nicole and I are partying, late nights to meijer and rite aid, getting high and snacks and shit is just fucking awesome. She meets the love of her life and he takes her and even me in to his whole friend crowd and I am HAPPY and feel bliss again. I have friends? Imagine that. They fall madly in love and then heh, they move. Well shit. Now mind you I have totally capability to see them whenever I please bc Nicole is an open door policy. But truly I’m lazy, I like convenience and still wrapped up in my own stupid bitchass, (that I can now see, but then couldn’t) and it’s back to corbin and I.

So now it’s getting close to end of 2013 and all I pretty much do is spend every waking moment with corbin. I don’t mean to make that sound so awful, then I loved it. Now, it’s all so bleak.

2014 hits. I’m in and out of jobs. Corbin and I live off of pop can returns. I’m still 21 so like, none of that mattered and I didn’t care about a future. He gets a job and I finally get into the courthouse. We start doing ~molly~ heavy. Locking ourselves in a bedroom from Friday-Sunday. Every weekend. When you hear “ecstasy/drugs ruined my sex life” from older people, you don’t really know what to make of that. When I tell you drugs ruined our sex life and our likeness for each other, now I fucking get it. I stopped smoking weed 24/7 bc I was paranoid of losing my job. Not much more to that year or 2015 than chemical pills and being locked in a room and outdoor adventures with my dog.

2016, I finally convince corbin to {for the love of god} attempt to get his license back (which he did, and then ruined again, but that comes later) so we’re really making moves, honestly for us we were doing shit. We had a marker board calendar AND meeting our goals/deadlines !!! His dad gets oxys, and we’ve been borrowing his Vicodin for idk, a year or 3 at this point. This is kinda when things get fuzzy. But oxys come and got damn do they feel good. But only recreational. It wasn’t serious then.

Corbin gets prescribed adderall. Not much more we need to dive in to with that jazz but oxys and addies were all we ate until about the end of 2017. Pills are gone. Let’s fucking driiiiink.

2018

So I developed an alcohol issue at this point. Still battling it to this day. But I don’t really remember much. Did some cool shit, went to Europe. Met a girl that I’ve never loved kissing more. She was nuts. I moved out of our apartment we got together and back home, re-up w/ Rickey, we have fun. He cheats on me with the girl he got pregnant and neglected (they’re engaged now, congrats guys) I’m completely broken and alone because at this point i have managed to push every waking soul away from me and experience the weirdest fucking shit ever that I can only explain as spiritual, or maybe it was satanic. It burned and hurt and scared the ballsacks out of me. Can’t kill your self if you’re a pussy, turns out.

I spent this whole year trying to find friends, wrong crowd. I developed a relationship with a coworker who still to this day has my heart and soul and I love him and will always hope the best. He is the greatest comfort I had but it was only ever from 5pm - until we finished having drinks and sex and then back to being alone. I even confessed my confused love for him and he set me straight. He showed me more about being strong than anyone ever. I love you D.

The end of September I finally meet up with a dude I can’t take my damn eyeballs off for years. I finally mustered up the courage after making excuses for about 2 weeks why I couldnt meet up with him. So I come over. It’s raining so hard. I couldn’t find his house. I just wanted the god damn dick, and go home. He didn’t let that happen.

We see one another mainly every single day except Wednesday’s because he has plans that day every week. I tried my hardest to ghost him multiple times but he didn’t let that happen either. We are both drinking a lot because we are both sad but our company really really reaaaally made up for the sadness. He is the funniest person I’ve ever met and I think he thought that about me too.

November 21st comes and he is being weird and I am constantly nervous around him so I get weird bc I think I did something or he’s gonna tell me to go home, I didn’t know. He finally says he wants to be my man, like full time man. I have a bf? I don’t want one but something about you is fckin freaky you beautiful boy. Everything is coming together.

And here we go: December 21. 1 month is all it took to mess it up.

Leaving my work party, ironically after getting all of my drinks bought for me :) , I go to jail. Jail was not as bad as I expected. I was a good criminal so I got to sit in a different room w/ a tv until shift change. Oh and ! my high school classmate was a worker there so that was neat ! (jesuschrist) anyway; dont have Laynes number memorized, my family and I just watched my grandpa die, gasping for air 10 day prior. Can’t call my mom. Scared to call my dad (who was the nicest of anyone) soooooo corbin it is. I dealt with his jail problems time after time so, his turn I guess.

Welp it’s 2019. Not much to say. Layne stuck through all of it with me and I have no fucking clue why. Got a therapist. Stopped drinking whiskey completely. Bought a vacuum and couch. Live with my way too supportive boyfriend. My family fucking loves him. I am .... growing ? stronger ? mentally ? as every day passes ? because of him ? He teaches me so much about moving on, life and just thinking before doing. Life ain’t that serious. I love you Layne. I completely do. I started alcohol classes and I went in with such a shitty attitude, like I’m better than everyone? (Been my issue for, forever) I fucking love my group sessions. I am for once not alone with the unpopular shit I struggle with. Addiction is so real and I always thought it was a stupid ass excuse for being lazy but hahhhhhh karma loves me.

I’ve been struggling so hard with jenna. I have talked to a handful of people and most have said it’s been blown out of proportion but, don’t hurt your friends. I finally fucking wrapped it up when I got ahold of her, tried to anyway, before Christmas. I explained a lot, now that I’ve had years to sit back and reflect on myself and my bullshit and I can’t blame her (side bar: she still didn’t care lol.) But I am fuckin over it. My feelings got hurt to absolute fuck about some things and instead of being mature, I fucked her over, because I felt fucked over. But I’m sorry, I did that, I take responsibility and best wishes forever but an anvil weight has finally been lifted off my chest and I feel like I can finally move the fuck on and it’s such a great feeling to get rid of something that’s been eating me alive.

So basically, the last two years ate me the fuck alive. This year I meditated on shit. We will see how 2020 goes but I am ready considering what I’ve done to myself, been through and I still am fucking alive and trying. Being a human is dumb but it’s aight sometimes. Getting better. Good luck y’all.

[theplaguebeast]

niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

i’m on my third cup of coffee

-CHARCOAL ON BLAAAACK

-Samwell ‘we can fuk if we don’t marry em’ Tarly

-Thorne admitting JOn was right, bc he’s an ass but not y’know. stupid.

-i hav choc now mmmmm it almost makes this barable

-OH GREAT IT’S MORE CHARCOAL ON BLACK WITH A SIDE DISH OF BLUE FOR NIGHT

-that’s a big fire

-thorne w the A+ rallying speech lol

-i can’t see shit so i’m reading meta in another tab this is what i’m reduced to

-*combat noises combat noises*

-this is not engaging i can’t see shit no one’s interacting it’s just arrows and swords and a giant grunting

-sam killed a man u go sam

-hi Edd

-still reading meta

-oh my god is this entire episode this one battle? jfc this show is terrible

-hi Ghost (where, uhm, where tf has he been?)

-i wasn’t looking how’s ygritte dieing? i mean i don’t care she was a bitch but like

-will this episode ever end?

-oh it did thank fuck

[itsstonerrbittch]

Soulmates¿?

I kinda wanna type & I've always came to Tumblr to I guess you can say vent, it's the lovely topic of love & the person I'm blessed to call mine. Within the past 18 years of my life I've had my heart broken, I've had a first love that absolutely tore my heart out late freshman year & I wasted 5 years being on & off w him, but what they don't tell you when you're younger is when you get older you realize your first love is sometimes simply just your first attachment. I've had my fair share of serious relationships (let's be real only 2 not counting the one I'm in now) but all in all love has never been an easy task & in the end I really just wanted to give up on "love", they never teach you how to "love" properly, you live & you learn, love isn't something that can just be taught but just when I wanted to give up completely the person I'm w now came into my life & my whole world has been flipped all around, in a great way. Story time; 2-3 years ago, I seen a guy at Rock The Docks & just for some reason, my eyes couldn't stay off of him, everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, I'd see him, in a crowd of easily 500+ people he was all I really seen that day. Me being the scared person I am of everything, I couldn't talk to him myself so I asked around for his name & I got it, later that night I found him on Facebook (cliche right)? I sent him a message, we flirted & what not but nothing every really came from it, my ex bestfriend ended up getting w him, which I was upset about but I never established anything so I just let her have the upper hand, I let go of the possibilities & how I felt, I think it was mainly just an attraction but it really felt like more, everytime I looked at that kid I just felt all the curiosity. A year later, 2016 just when I wanted to give up on love, from heart breaks & watching my parents marriage fall apart, he came back into my life, It started off as casual talks but the way him & I spoke to each other, it was like we knew each other for years, for never formerly ever really meeting in person we clicked instantly, the casual conversations turned into from good morning to goodnight, 3+ hour conversations, I remember the first time we hung out, it was a few days before my birthday & he had picked me flowers from someone's yard as a little present & it was such a little but sentimental gesture for me, it made me happy, I felt so giddy that day but of course had to play it cool, after we parted ways I laid in bed just thinking to myself " I think I'm starting to like my best friend ", my girl bestfriend just looked at me & she knew I was thinking & she goes " you like him " & I told her " I think so but I could never tell him, there's to much to risk". When I told her there was too much to risk, I thought the little thing we had was too much, I considered that too much but little did I know, it would turn into what it has today. I thought so much on it, he was a great bestfriend, the bestest, funniest person who could have ever walked into my sad life, I was so thankful for him, the feelings didn't come slow nor did they ever slow down. Little did I know though, everything I was thinking about, he was too, later on that night he confessed that he liked me & that he always did but was just scared & oh god, I remember so vividly what I did, I was in the car w my mom & my bestfriend & started to cry, they knew the conversation & I just smiled through the tears & said "it's me, it's me he likes", they had already knew just by the way he acted towards me. After that night, we started moving forward & finally, the day came 6-17-16 he asked me out, It was at the lake, on the dock w yellow roses & a card, it was the sweetest thing ever, I had never felt so happy w somebody, we dated for some time then one day.. I was stupid enough to walk away from somebody I loved, I realized when I left him that I was in love w him but like the saying goes, " you don't know what you have till it's gone ". Even though I was the one who put our relationship to a stop, the months we were apart killed me, I knew I had caused him to much damage to try & come back so I had to sit in silence & watch him be in other relationships, we still talked as friends after all the fire had burned down between us but there would be those nights where we talked about how much we missed each other, it was always the hardest bc our relationship was great, really. We had our ups & down but yanno, we always made up bc that's what you do when you love someone. New Years Eve, man oh man, about 15 minutes before the ball was going to drop, 15 minutes before everyone closed the chapter of 2016, I had called him to come over & have fun, when I invited him over I didn't have any intentions, the way that night went wasn't how it was suppose to be. He got to the house & he instantly hugged my mom & she started to cry bc she missed him but not only that, she always found comfort in him & it almost made me cry but we ended 2016 together & walked into 2017 together. We sat on the couch drinking & talking, our topic had veared into our relationship & we discussed where everything went wrong & the fact we were grown enough to talk about what had went wrong meant so much to me, as the night progressed, I found myself missing what we had, his tight hugs, the way he cared & took care of me. Long story short, I ended up staying the night w him & shit took a turn, I also took care of him bc he was getting sick but when I woke up the next morning, he was in my arms & I had no regrets about how things went, maybe they shouldn't of happened as fast as they did but that's beyond the point, we ended up getting back together but all we did was argue & it just wasn't good at all but the few weeks we shared w each other made me happy, he made me happy, we knew we'd never be able to get back to how we once we're but that didn't bother us. This time, he walked away & it killed me. When he left, he took my heart w him, I swore off relationships bc I didn't want anyone but him. When he left I realized how he felt when I walked away from him & I never wanted to put him through that kind of hurt, I didn't wanna hurt the one I love. I thought this time the bridges between us were burned, we both said some hurtful things but that wasn't the case... A few months later, as we're in late May now, we're back together & we're going strong, he ended up texting me & I invited him over, the day I invited him over, as he was on his way I paced around my house & cried, telling myself I couldn't do it, I broke down over him texting me, how was I ever gonna stand in front of him & be okay? All my friends told me to relax but I just couldn't & the time came when he finally got to my house & as he walked in the front door I looked up & as soon as our eyes met, I looked down, said hello & walked into the other room bc my eyes filled w tears, instantly. I managed to pull myself together, somehow, someway. Maybe bc I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it hurt yeah but he was always my comfort, I was okay bc he was around, we just sat around all night catching up & listening to music, I still felt myself having slight panic attacks & I'd need to walk away bc my pride won't allow me to cry infront of people, we once again worked shit out & we argue sometimes but at the end of the day, we always come home to each other & were now engaged, now ig it's time to get into what I really wanted too, I'm already crying bc our story really just brings out all my emotions. Everything him & I have went through has shaped us into where we are today, 2-3 years ago, I fell in love w my best friend & I've never been able to shake the feelings. Before I met him, I was terribly afraid of marriage bc of my parents getting divorced but he made me believe in marriage again, he made me believe in a forever I mean, I wouldn't be engaged to him if my mindset never changed. I've found home more in that kids eyes then I ever have in a structure w four walls, some rooms & a roof. I never knew I could love somebody so deeply. We've had our fair share of arguments, we've both said shit we don't mean, we've both had sleepless nights filled w tears, we've went through hell & back & sure, sometimes we walked away from each other but we realized that it was never the same w anybody else. I believe w everything in me that he is the one, he's my soulmate, my bestfriend, my everything. I find myself doing things I've never done w him, I've opened up to him more then I have anybody else, my family took him in w open arms as his family did w me, he's caused so many positive changes in me & nobody has ever had that type of impact on me, everything we've been through has been so worth it too me, I literally adore everything about that kid, from the inside out. I love his smile, his eyes, his personality, the stupid shit he says, the way his lips move when he speaks, the way he's attentive & the way he cares, he's everything I could have ever asked for in a man. I've never been so fucking thankful for a human, he's been there through it all quite literally & it takes a strong man to deal with me & everything that comes w me but he has no issue dealing w it all. He's helped me through so much, he's pushed me for the better, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am today. When he came into my life it was like everything fell into place, I was missing a piece & that piece was him. I'd do anything & risk it all for him, if I ever had too, being in love isn't too bad when it's w the right one. We're ready to start our life together & I know as long as he's by my side, I can overcome anything. I don't ever wanna miss a thing, I wanna laugh w him & make more memories then we already have, I wanna struggle w him, I wanna be there on the good days & the bad, I wanna walk down the aisle to him & have a simple little family w him, I wanna grow old w him & watch our kids grow up & have kids, I wanna reminisce on everything we've been through & everything we've accomplished. I'm so proud of us & the people we've become & the people were still becoming, were definitely works in progress but that's okay bc in the end it's all worth it, growing together is the best thing we could ever do. I'm happy I fell in love w my best friend, I'm happy I let him into my life, I'm happy we can forgive & forget. Waking up next to him & falling asleep next to him is literally the best thing in the world, there's no one better then him he's the absolute best & I love him w everything I have in me & when I picture my future he's always there & there's no other way I'd have it, I wouldn't change a thing.